Sunday, September 15, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Knight of Cups

First Impressions:  Capturing the flow, flowing into my heart

Book:  Welcoming feelings

Guidance:  Acting from the heart

Journaling

Acting from my heart is sometimes difficult for me as acting from the heart means that my heart has to be open and I have to be willing to let my love flow out and let love flow in.  That's hard for me.  However, the more removed I am from John and Charlene, the more I am able to act from the art and to accept the love that flows into my heart as real.  I've always assumed that people wanted something from me and had the feeling that no one could love me for me.  However, the last few years I've been able to just act from my heart and do what needs to be done.  Sometimes, that means I need to make time for people when I really don't have it, but when I am able to put aside the work and just be present for people, amazing things happen.  The paper I need to write will always be there, but the people I love may not.  That means learning to be more patient and loving with Wendy as well.  It is frustrating for me when she wants to totally be in my face, but that is her way of showing love and the more I am able to open myself to her love, the calmer she gets and she's able to just cuddle instead of love bombing.

One of the hardest parts about opening my heart is opening it without expectations.  I've had to let go of the expectation that if I open my heart than I will the romantic love that I desire.  I've had to learn to just open my heart without any expectations of being loved back.  That's incredibly hard as there is a possibility that I will be hurt.  However, when I go down that path, I think about the amazing dogs that I've had in my life and how despite coming from horrible and potentially abusive backgrounds, they've been able to open their hearts up and love fully and deeply.  They are just able to be in the moment and to love and it is an amazing thing to witness.  And when they do receive love they just blossom.  I need to be more like the doggos.


Gratitudes

I'm grateful for the yummy apples
I'm grateful for sleeping late
I'm grateful for the Krispy Kremes
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful that Sean appreciated the donuts
I'm grateful for the beautiful day
I'm grateful for finishing my paper

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