|Nine of Air|
The nine of air is a card of deep sorrow and grieving. As my physical strength has been stripped away, I find I have no energy for pretense or illusion. There is a deep grief at the core of my being: grief over my desire for happily ever after, grief over the fact that I am alone.
This card is about all that binds me to the past. It is also about trusting that she will take care of me. It is about letting go and being willing to sacrifice my dreams. That's hard for me as I'm scared of being alone and I feel my life isn't valuable if I'm alone. However, the flip side is that I am so afraid of being hurt that I don't let people in. Even though it is lonely, it is so much easier to hold people at arm's length then to let them in. I guess I just have to trust the goddess.
December 24, 2017
This card still resonates with me as I find myself clinging to the old ways of doing things and my old thought patterns. She has appeared to me multiple times to tell me to let go and I have started to let go, but sometimes when I get scared or stressed, I start clinging to things that I shouldn't cling to.