Monday, May 2, 2016
Five of Earth
Book: You are dealing with stress at a survival level, most likely your health or finances.
Guidance: Tuck into yourself and know that you are safe and protected. Know that there are people looking out for you even if it doesn't seem like it.
It is so interesting that I drew this card because I saw, journeyed to a similar structure when I was meditating and I was cocooned in a little womblike structure. I felt safe and secure and there were people holding space for me. While I was in this space, there was someone standing guard outside so I would not be interrupted. I was totally secure.
I'm not truly in a true crisis mode right now, but my mind has created a crisis. I am employed, I"m working on my health, but I do need to feel safe and secure and I'm not sure what the best way to do that is. I have the skills to survive most crises and I've gotten better about not creating crisis any more.
February 4, 2018
What I find so interesting in retrospect is that I pulled the five of earth, which is about pulling back my energy and being in survival mode immediately after I pulled the three of fire which is all about being out there and living out loud. It is almost as if the thought of living out loud scared me and I had to pull back in my hermit shell. It is also a good metaphor for where I'm at right now because my mind is coming up for all sorts of excuses as to why I don't want to go to the tarot conference. My brain is telling me that I won't like it, that everyone will be cliquish, etc.
I realize that I have gotten much worse about not wanting to go places since I've been divorced. I don't think I truly realized how much John damaged my soul and made me afraid to meet and interact with people. He was so mean and horrible to me that now I am afraid to meet people. I'm terrified that people will treat me like he did. I need to let go of that because he is a horrible person and how he treated me was always more about him than it was about me.
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