Friday, September 30, 2016

Hanged Man

Hanged Man
First Impressions:  This Hanged Man is hanging from a beam instead of a treat.  He is surrounded by mistletoe and his eyes are wide open.  There is a glow around his head as it seems he has found inner peace.  This card speaks to me of surrender, contemplation, and approaching things from a different point of view.

Book:  Reversal of values, patience, surrender, sacrifice, peace, freedom comes from commitment, non-resistance, new perspective.

Guidance:  Let go of your striving, surrender, love yourself, trust yourself.


Today was all about Isa and this card was perfect as I believe that the Hanged Man is the tarot version of Isa.  I need to just let go and surrender.  There are things I can do nothing about and the best course of action is to let go and quit struggling.  It will all fall into place.

December 23, 2017

I am getting so much better at just surrendering and waiting.  It is still a very uncomfortable place for me, but I am better at actually executing.  I am someone who always wants to fix, manage, and control (thank you Al Anon for teaching me that) and sometimes there are things I cannot fix, manage, and control and I have to let go and see how it all plays out.

The shakeup at work has me a little worried, but there is nothing I can do to change what is happening.  My guides are telling me to trust and that it will all work out so that's what I'm going to do.  I know that I could start frantically looking for a new job, but that's not what I want to do.  I want to stay here and to build something and my guides are telling me that this is where I belong so I'm going to stay for now.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Chariot (Reversed)

First Impressions:  The charioteer is male and there is a yin-yang symbol on the chariot.  Instead of horses, the chariot is being pulled by sphinxes.  There are half moons on the charioteers shoulders and his cap looks almost like that of a shriners.  He looks as if he is driving through an arch of stars.  In the background, there is a city.  Reversed this card speaks to me of out of control emotions.

Book:  Be wary of relying too strongly on your own willpower, energy being stuck or damned up, be careful of movements.

Guidance:  Hold your horses, it is not time to move forward.  Change direction


Interesting card to pull.  This is a card I've spent a lot of time reflecting on and I'm still not sure what the meaning is for me.

December 23, 2017

The chariot has always spoken to me of emotional control and remaining steady even when there are forces pulling you in two different directions.  I've quit reading reversals so if I was reading this card today, I would read it as a reminder to keep my emotions under control and to continue moving forward.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Ace of Cups (Reversed)

Ace of Cups
First Impressions:  I don't like this card, which is why it was one of my least favorites, it appears that the cup is suspended  by the water flowing instead of the water flowing into the cup, then overflowing.  Reversed this card says emotional emptiness and sadness to me.

Book:  Creativity and deeper feelings elude you, distancing yourself from something that will disturb you emotionally, feelings of spiritual disconnection.

Guidance:  Take care of yourself, do the right thing


I am feeling empty today as if my life is without meaning.  My problem is that I am so emotionally invested in work that I take it personally.  None of this is personal.  These people are just idiots and don't know what they are doing.  They think they are so smart that they refuse to listen to people who have done this multiple times and too arrogant to accept help.  I'm done trying to help them.  I will deliver my what I'm supposed to deliver and that's that.  My main goal is to not say anything stupid and get fired.

December 23, 2017

As I reflect on this card, I realize that it is about life force draining out of you and not being replenished.  The traditional card has water flowing into and out of the cup and that's what happens in the natural flow of things when energy flows into and out of our soul.  When we get blocked or dis-eased, our energy gets stuck and we feel empty.  I've learned that I truly need to take time to recharge my batteries or I become empty and cranky.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Ten of Rods

Ten of Rods
Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  These bundles look joyous as they are tied with a red ribbon.  The man is elderly and has red and gold on his cloak.  It may be autumn as the hills in the distance are purple and orange.  This card usually speaks to me of trying to do too much or carrying burdens that are not my own, but the joyousness in this card is throwing me.

Book:  Overburdened, bent on self sacrifice, taking on others burdens, overworked, overburdened, cannot see the path ahead.

Guidance:  Set better boundaries, do not take on other people's stuff.


This was exactly the card I needed to pull today.  Gateway is being their usual moronic selves.  They are making decisions with no input from anyone, then are confused when things blow up in their faces.  However, at the end of the day all of this is their bullshit and I'm not responsible for their decisions.  Unfortunately, even though I know intellectually it is their bullshit, I am taking it on and feeling responsibility.

I think I have to repeat to myself over and over, "It's not mine, none of it is mine, it is not about me.  All of this is about them and their bad decision making.  I just need to let it go and accept that they are crazy."

December 23, 2017

Working at Gateway was actually a really good experience for me as I got to experience codependency from the outside looking in.  It was amazing to me how this organization that is dedicated to battling addiction exhibits so much codependent behavior.   They constantly took on insanity that wasn't theirs and thought they could fix, manage, and control things that were unfixable.

In retrospect, it also gave me a glimpse into how really good people could behave in such crazy ways.  It truly helped me to gain compassion for those, including myself, who make seemingly crazy decisions because they're driven by codependency. 

One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn over the past year is that I am not responsible for anyone's feelings but my own. Of course, that doesn't mean that I get to say mean things and not apologize, but it does mean that I need to make decisions that are in my own best interests and if other people don't like them, too bad.  I made the decision not to talk to my mother because being around her is not in my best interests.  I know that hurt her, but I explained my decision and she has made the choice not to change her behavior.  Once she made that decision, there was nothing else I could do expect gracefully step away.  It is hard and there are a lot of days when I wish I had a big family to hang out with, but my

Monday, September 26, 2016

Knight of Pentacles

Knight of Pentacles
First Impressions:   The horns on his helmet tie him to earth bound animals like stags and he stands in front of a plowed field which also ties him to the element of earth.  Interestingly, his cloak looks like it is made of feathers.  Overall, this knight looks to be strong and and driven.

Book:  Methodical, rational, stable, kind and gentle, slow and steady, sensuous and passionate

Guidance:  Be patient and methodical


As I was reading this, it struck me as sounding like it was about someone I know, but this reading was not about him and is about me.  One of the biggest lessons I'm learning right now is that I need to make my life about me and not about other people.  It is all too easy to get caught up in the swirliness and make it about other people.  My life matters and it is not just about other people.

I feel like I'm drowning in emotions right now and I'm getting a chest cold, which means I am feeling some grief about something or other.  I'm feeling wave after wave of sadness and I feel as if I still have mourning to do, but I am afraid to feel those emotions because I don't know if I have what it takes to pull myself out of that dark place again.  My heart hurts and I don't know why.  I do know that grief is not linear and that there is no time table for grief, but that doesn't make it any easier when I feel these emotions.  However, I have learned over the past few years that they are emotions and they cannot hurt me.

My reaction to an email is just that an emotion.  Even though I feel exposed, it is just an emotion.  I am fine.  I am grounded in reality and I am fine.  I need to pull some cards tonight about my mom and try to make sense of that situation.  Part of me feels that I am vilifying her because I can't vilify my dad.  I feel like an orphan today.  Even though I know there are people in my life who love me, I feel like a lost child.

December 23, 2017

Wow! This was immensely powerful and shows so much growth.  This is the reason I think it is important to review and keep my journals because they do let me see how much I've grown and changed.  One of the most important lessons I've learned recently is that it is okay to talk myself off the ledge.  I used to think that my emotions were sacrosanct and that I had no right to interfere with them.  If I was feeling depressed or cranky or angry or sad, I just had to let the emotion run its course.  However, recently I've learned that it is okay to to talk myself off the ledge.  It is okay to virtually give that lost child a hug and help her through it.  I do not have to let the emotions rule my life.  That is so powerful and intense.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Nine of Cups

Nine of Cups
First Impressions:  This card shows a bartender all ready for guests, but there is no one there to drink with him.  He looks happy and welcoming.  He also has a peacock feather in his vest, which is interesting as peacock feathers are symbols of good luck in the east and bad luck in the west.  The nine of cups always strikes me as a card of friendship and good times.

Book:  Realizing a long held dream, period of emotional contentment.  It's possible someone may be missing from your life. 

Guidance:  Appreciate what you have


The words that struck me as I read this is that there is probably someone missing from your life.  This last week has really been about missing my mom, but I don't know how to reconnect.  The rules I choose to live by (treating people with respect, setting boundaries, and not giving unsolicited advice) are ones that make sense to me and I surround myself with people who treat me like I want to be treated.  I have no clue how to set boundaries with her because she won't respect them.  She will be hurt and see boundaries as a rejection.  Maybe I just need to think it over and then be willing to listen.

December 23, 2017

It really hurt to read what I wrote over a year ago and realize that I'm still feeling like an orphan and motherless.  It hurts to not have someone who loves me unconditionally and who will listen to me when I cry and support me.  I never have had that in my life as my entire childhood growing up I always had to be careful what I said so I didn't set her off.  I could never be honest about what was going on in my life because I would either be judged or get a lecture.  There is no one from my childhood who could just flipping listen and support without being judgemental. 

What especially ticked me off is how people would give advice even when I didn't ask for it.  My Uncle Gene had to advise me how to spend my money and that flying lessons were a waste even though I didn't ask for his advice.  And the first thing my mother said when she walked in to my new house was,  "Why'd you put that picture there?  I would have put it there."  How flipping rude and insulting is that?  The house was clean and looked really nice, but she had to find fault.  I can't do that any more in my life. 

It is one thing if someone is endangering themselves or others, but if they are making judgments that are different than mine, it is not my place to give advice.  And I would never walk in to someone's house and critique their decorating.  That is just rude.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Eight of Pentacles (Reversed)

Eight of Pentacles
First Impressions:  The young man's tools are carefully laid out and he clearly takes pride in his work as he is willing to make pentacles over and over and continually review what he does.  Reverse this card could indicate sloppiness, a loss of energy, or a loss of fortune.

Book:  Seeking success without effort, need to evaluate whether you are in the right job, the seeker is wasting his talents, move forward with a project

Guidance:  Move forward on a project


For me, I know this card is not telling me that I'm not working hard enough on my day job because I don't know how I could work any harder.  It could be telling me that I'm not working hard enough on Midwives of Change.  I have been so busy and so tired that I haven't been able to put the time into things that matter to me.  I certainly hope things settle down, because I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace.

December 23, 2017

I'm still not positive what the message of this card was a year ago, but I made the decision earlier this year to let go of Midwives of Change.  I made that decision when I realized that I wasn't living my life for me, but I was using myself as a guinea pig to see what methods worked so that I could write about them.  I want my life to matter to me and not just matter to other people. 

I struggled with the decision to put my Tarot Journal online because that seemed to be just one more way to live my life for others instead of myself.  However, once I committed to Swedish Death Cleansing and realized that putting my journal online meant I could keep the lessons and ditch the hurtful comments and whining, I decided that putting it online was what was best for me.  I also established Rules for Readers so that they understand I'm not putting myself out there as a Tarot Guru, but simply living my life.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Ace of Swords

Ace of Swords
Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  The sword is piercing a laurel wreath, does this portend victory?  The hilt of the sword is bound with leather and there appears to be a ruby in the hilt.  The sun is shining through the clouds and reflecting off the sword.  The sword speaks to me of new beginnings and intellectual opportunities.

Book:  Clarity, success, sharp focus, cut attachments that no longer serve us, instrument of change, new beginnings

Guidance:  Be true to yourself


This week has truly been about the need to cut away and leave things that no longer serve me behind.  Right now I'm feeling the need to pull away from a coworker who I don't feel is working in our client's best interests.  It also makes me wonder if this is about cutting ties with people who were important, but who I've drifted away from.

December 23, 2017

It's interesting to reflect on this card today because I've been working hard to cut some cords that no longer serve me.  I've realized that I need to cut cords with John and quit getting all swirly about what he does or does not do in his life.  I've worked hard to let go of being judgmental and to let go of commenting on other people's decisions that don't affect me, but with him I continue to judge.  I have to admit that there is a part of me that wants him to fail and have a miserable life because of how he abused me and hurt me.  However, all that holding on to that anger does is keep me tied to him.  I need to let go of that rope that is keeping me tied down because it truly no longer serves me.

I also need to let go of someone who was so instrumental in my healing, but who no longer has a true role to play in my life.  I need to be grateful for the unconditional love he gave me and accept that our paths have diverged.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Four of Swords (Reversed)

Four of Swords
Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  The knight is lying on a marble table with his sword at his side.  There are three swords hanging on the wall, but they do not pose a threat as they are not hanging directly over our knight.  Reversed this card is telling me that it is time to get  up and about.

Book:  Period of isolation ends, emerging successfully from a period of difficulties, extreme exhaustion, spiritual faith, having faith

Guidance:  Have faith, take time to recharge, you do not have to do it all at once

December 23, 2017

Another day when I didn't journal.  I'm not sure what was going on last September that I didn't make time to actually journal about the cards.  Maybe I was so caught up in all the drama about Gateway that I didn't want to journal about it because I was afraid of what the cards would say.

To me this card is telling me that it is time to get my butt out of bed and start moving forward with my life.  And I've done a lot to move forward in the past year.  I have a new job, I've been deliberately staying away from Chicago as I don't want to get sucked into old behavior patterns.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Nine of Pentacles (Reversed)

Nine of Pentacles
First Impressions:  The woman is talking to her bird, she is in a gated garden, and there is a castle in the distance.  Reversed, this card speaks to me of failure and loss.

Book:  Feeling alone, neglecting relationships, empty inside, losing your way, lack of satisfaction

Guidance:  Re-prioritize, set better boundaries

December 23, 2017

Another day where I didn't journal.  It's odd looking at this card now as instead of seeing a woman who has done well for herself, I see a woman in a gilded cage.  It makes me wonder if she has achieved success on her own or if she is a trophy wife who has been put in a gilded cage.  It's also possible that she has created a gilded cage of her own creation.

There are days when I feel as if I've created my own gilded cage as I live in a nice house, but I sometimes feel trapped working to support the house instead of creating joy.  I don't have an instant answer for this, but I am committing myself to digging my way out of debt.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Four of Cups (Reversed)

Four of Cups
First Impressions:  A giant hand is holding one of the chalices and the three others are sitting there.  The man looks either made or as if he is being obstinate.  Reversed, this card tells me to appreciate what I have.

Book:  New opportunities, keen to enter a new and dynamic time, fear of being alone, omen to start a new relationship, ready to face the world again

Guidance:  Open your heart to love

December 23, 2017

It was another day where all I did was pull the card and didn't spend anytime journaling.  It's really frustrating when I come across those days because the best part of re-reading my tarot journals is realizing where I was at and seeing if I've learned anything since I originally pulled the card. 

It is interesting to me how many times over the past year the cards have pretty much screamed at me to open my heart to love.  That's hard for me to do because I've been hurt so badly; however, I also realize that I will never have love in my life unless I am willing to open my heart and be willing to risk being hurt and/or disappointed.  That's a really scary thing for me to contemplate, but I decided that this year (starting on my birthday) was going to be the year of love and I'm currently working on self love and on opening up my heart  It's a little hard and a little scary, but day by day I'm getting there.

Clark is a really good role model for opening my heart to love a he just assumes people love him and he doesn't wait.  He jumps in to love with both feet and even though I know he had a hard life before we adopted him, he is so open to being loved.  I need to emulate him.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Magician

Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  I always call this version of The Magician the Staying Alive card because he reminds me of John Travolta in Staying Alive.  He also reminds me of Fabio with the bare chest.  I love the roses in the tree around him which makes me smile.  This card speaks to me of directing power, using resources wisely, and making things happen.

Book:  Creativity, inspiration, letting inspiration flow through you, power of the mind, card of individuality

Guidance:  Trust and let go of worries, master yourself


What an appropriate card for today.  I truly had to channel energy today and make things work that seemed impossible.  I've also realized what one of my key skills is: I am a closer and I can make things happen that seem impossible.  I can also create order out of chaos.

December 23, 2017

I have absolutely no clue what was going on that I felt this card was important.  I know I was working at Gateway last year, but I'm not sure what was happening.  However, I do know that I've always been a closer as I'm creative and I find ways to make things work that other people can't see.  I also a a bulldog and I don't let go when I think there is a way.  Sometimes I hold on to things longer than I should and I am learning that sometimes it is okay to let go and walk away, but I'm also proud of the creativity I bring to my life.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

The Moon

The Moon
Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  I love the woman in the moon who is reclining as if she is on a pillow.  I also like that there are towers instead of pillars or rocks.  I also like that the crab is at the forefront of the card.  For me, this card always speaks to intuition and the darkness.  What I really like about this card is that it makes the darkness welcoming instead of scary.

Book:  Psychic wakening.  Dreams.  The mystery at the center of existence  The realm of enchantment.  Risk.  Confusing dichotomy.

Guidance:  Trust your intuition.  Be brave.


I'm taking the moon as a reminder to slowdown and let myself connect with intuition and the moon itself this weekend.  There is always something amazing about standing outside and gazing up at the moon.  When I am open to her energy, I feel her gentle  love flowing through me.  I know I have strong intuition, but sometimes it gets clogged by all the bullshit and worry.

December 22, 2017

It is amazing to read this today as I needed to be reminded to trust my intuition.  There was a shakeup at work and I've been a little freaked out by it, but my intuition is telling me to stay and to trust.  It is telling me that it is all going to work out all right for me in the long run.  It's really hard for me to accept that I should stay because my fight or flight instinct is strong.  However, the message I am receiving so strongly is that I need to stay and that I will be taken care of.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Six of Wands

Six of Rods
Hanson Roberts
Immediate Impressions:  This conquering hero is wearing a laurel wreath as a symbol of victor.  His helmet is gold and one of the rods holds a wreath in celebration.  The sun is shining over the entire scene providing light and energy and seeming to celebrate with the returning hero.  My immediate response to the card is that it is a card of victory, homecoming, and provides a sense of completion.

Book:  Victory and success through one's own efforts.  Mastery of the self.  Leadership.  Victory but not satisfaction.

Guidance:  Enjoy your victory


I'm not sure why I pulled this card today as I don't feel victorious.  I feel totally beaten down by lie and trapped.  I'm not sure what the victory could be.  Maybe the key is to take myself out of the moment and work to see the bigger picture.

When I do that, I am able to see that overall I have a wonderful life that I truly love.  I'm also choosing to remind myself that none of the drama at work is my drama.  This is all Gateway's Drama and my job is to stay out of the insanity.

It is also a victory that I understand how detrimental the drama is.

December 22, 2017

More lessons in drama and victory.  I let myself get all swirly this week over work stuff.  There was a reorganization and I'm not thrilled that I have a new boss.  The rational part of me knows that Joe will have more time to spend on building an OCM practice.  I know he believes in and supports OCM, but my initial gut reaction was negative and my mind wandered to the question of whether or not I should look for a new job.  That has always been my go-to reaction in the past when there was a change.  I never stuck around to see if it was going to be positive or negative.  I just left.  And that is what my scaredy cat little self wants to do this go round.   However, I've decided that this time I'm not going to run screaming.  I'm going to face my fears and stay and see what happens.

Friday, September 16, 2016


Initial Impressions:  The people are naked and although it is supposed to be a family, they all seem very young.  The cloud by the angel is pink.  The people seem to be waving to the angel.  I don't know if they are just saying hi or if there is more to it than that.  This card is about a reckoning and reawakening.

Book:  Awakening, realization, rebirth, call to change, and decision making.

Guidance:  Listen to your heart


Awakening is an odd theme for the day.  I was so exhausted yesterday that I could barely keep my eyes open.  This job is getting more and more physically wearing and I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to push myself like this.  There is a large part of me that wants to get a job in town, but I'm kind of afraid of what that would look like.  I think I need to do some research and see if I could make that work.

December 22, 2017

It's been over a year since I originally wrote that and I've switched jobs, but am still traveling.  I'm feeling somewhat better than I did then and am not as exhausted all the time.  However, I've also realized that I really need to pay attention to my physical health and be cognizant of when it is getting to be too much or me and step back.  I don't always do a great job of that, but it's a lesson I do need to learn.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Nine of Cups

Initial Impressions:  Interesting card.  I like how it shows the main full face right up in the camera.  I find the peacock feather interesting as that is a symbol of luck and hospitality in eastern cultures.  My initial impressions of this card are of happiness and welcoming.  It also speaks to friendship and collaboration.

Book:  Realization o a dream.  Imaginative and creative life.  Flourishing.

Guidance:  Count your blessings.  Appreciate what you have.

December 22, 2018

Oddly enough, I didn't journal on this card either.  I must have been uber busy at the time I was pulling these cards.  I like the reminder to count my blessings.  I have been working really hard to focus on the positive lately and not get bogged down in the negative.  Right now, I'm a little pissed off that we have a defect heading into the holidays and we're expected to work while on PTO to resolve it.  I understand that that is the nature of the beast, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Ten of Swords (Reversed)

Initial Impressions:  The beads in his hair came loose, but there is no blood.  Are the beads supposed to represent the blood?  Reversed, this card says to me that someones cares are falling away.

Book:  Opportunity arises for liberation and change.  The ultimate battle is with yourself.  Work on the issue and find the courage to rise again.  You will endure and persevere.

Guidance:  Have the courage to love again.  Trust that he loves you.  Be open.


Hope is such a good thing and there are days it is in short supply because I get mired in all the details.  For me, this card speaks to cares and worries falling away and about the weirdness being gone.  Reversed this card is about opening up.

December 22, 2017
Interesting as I read this card over a year later, what I see is someone being impaled by the swords versus them falling away.  I've quit reading reversals so if I was to read this card today, I would see it as the worst having been done.  The nine of swords is about nightmares and in some ways this card is about the nightmare coming true.  However, the one thing that I have learned in my life is that sometimes it is okay when the other shoe has dropped and you know for sure where you're at.  For me, it is harder to deal with the uncertainty and the worry than with cold hard facts.  With cold hard facts, you can come up with a plan to actually address what's going on.

Death (Reversed)

Hanson Roberts
First Impressions:  Kings, women, and children lay before him.  We all succumb to death in the end.  He is clad in armor decorated with skulls showing he cannot be stopped.  The sun is setting in the background showing the sunset of life.  Reversed this card can indicate someone who is stuck and unwilling to move on.

Book:  Strong sense of inertia.  Feeling that nothing has been accomplished.  Stay with it as there is more to learn. Avoidance of or fear of change.

Guidance:  Remove the blockage to transition.  Let go and move on.  Pray and meditate.


Death reversed pretty much sums up where I'm at today.  I'm feeling stuck, helpless, and depressed.  I feel as if I will never move forward and never have the love I want in my life.  I am such a white picket fence girl.  I am all about hearth and home and none of this stuff at work is really important to me.  All I really want to do is come home to someone who loves me.

December 23, 2017

I still really want to have someone in my life who loves me to come home to.  I know the kids love me, but I want that one person who is always there for me.  Despite all that I've been through, I still believe in love and happily every after.  However, one thing I have learned in the last year is that work does have meaning for me and I do enjoy it and take a sense of pride in what I do.  I'm also realizing how important it is to have gratitude for what we do have in our lives.  I may want to have someone, but I do appreciate having my kids, a home to live in, and a job that pays me well.  Even though I want love, it doesn't mean I should trash the things that I do have in my life.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Devil

Initial Thoughts:  There is a musical note between the figures that is kind off interesting.  Additionally, the Devil has an upside down pentacle on his forehead.  He also makes me think of a puppet pulling strings.  When I see this card, I think of choices as the couple is not tied up and it appears they could flee if they wanted  to escape.  This card also reminds me that bondage is sometimes personal choice.  I also think about our devotion t o addictions such as sex and materialism.

Book:  Being held in bondage, undesirable forces, chained down by materialism, temptation, call to awaken to responsibility, integrate and channel the life force.

Guidance:  Live in balance.  Accept the wealth the world has to offer.


Since the DruidCraft deck was my first tarot deck, I always think about Cernunous when I see this card.   He is the horned god of the hunt and in that deck the "devil" is not evil, but a force to be channeled.  Overindulging is what puts is unto bondage.

This card like so many tarot carts speaks for balance.  It is when we get out of balance that life becomes unmanageable and addictions are a good indication that life is unmanageable.  This card could also be speaking to me of my need to break my sugar addiction.  I know it is killing me, but I still shovel sugar in my mouth.  I'm not sure how to break the addiction and get back on track.  I need to ask for guidance.

December 21, 2017
I'm getting chills as I read what I wrote because today while Cam and I were out walking, I talked about how so many stories about addiction don't talk about the spiritual side of healing and the need to ask for help to take the addiction away.  I know when I was in college and was drinking too much, it was AA that truly helped me to break the addiction.  Asking for help and turning my addiction over to a higher power truly helped me to heal.  It didn't make it easy, but it did help me to recover.

It was a higher power that also helped me to deal with my codependency after my marriage imploded.  By turning it over to a higher power, I was able to find the strength to heal and to leave behind some of my addictive and co-dependent behavior.

Dearest ones,

I admit that I am powerless over sugar and my life and health has become unmanageable.  I know that you can help me with this addiction and I am humbling asking you to do so and to take away my cravings for the sugar that is slowly killing me.

Thank you,

Monday, September 12, 2016

King of Swords

Immediate Response:  Although this card appears cold and icy, it isn't as the tree still has green on.  I love the purple embellishment on his sword as it takes an object that is cold and icy and humanizes it.  I also like the cloak clasp as it mirrors his standard which you can partially see in the background.  This card as well as my tarot knowledge says that this king is decisive and has the ability to make good decisions, but he might also be a little rigid.

Book:  Intellectual, stern, tendency to be too rigid, guardian of social order.

Guidance:  Be flexible, make decisions, hold boundaries

Journaling:  The last few days have been about flexibility and going with the flow for me so it is interesting that this card came up.  I have been deliberately working on going with the flow and not being rigid so I'm not sure what the guidance is here.  Have I been too flexible?  Maybe this card is suggesting that I be a little more rigid and maintain better boundaries, especially around work.  I'm not exactly sure how I would do that as these people are nuts.  I'm going to have to give this some thought.  Maybe there are ways I can more provide more structure.

December 21, 2017
Interesting to review this a year out of the situation.  All of the things that seemed so important at the time and so urgent aren't important any more and I don't even remember what all the drama was at at the time.  I do know that I was working at Gateway in Chicago and they were kind of nuts.  They had chosen the wrong solution and were trying to make it fix and it wasn't working.  They didn't do a good job with order and structure.

I'm also learning that overall I don't do a good job with boundaries and I'm struggling with that now as my client wants to meet every day next week even though I'm on PTO and the rest of the team is.  However, being a consultant means sucking it up and doing what needs to be done.  Not sure how to set boundaries when the expectation is to be available.  Again, I'll have to figure out how to set those boundaries.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

King of Rods

Initial Thoughts:  I love this card because he has dragons on his robe with ruby clasps.  There is a lion in the background and he is wearing a helmet and a crown. This is a king who means business and is not just a figurehead.  From this card I pick up someone who is brave, strong and passionate.

Book:  Honest, conservative, mature, wise, natural ability to be a leader, longs for freedom, decisive, and strong willed.

Guidance:  Be a leader, let go of judgement, claim your worth.

December 21, 2017 Journaling

Oddly enough, I didn't journal about this card when I pulled it which is totally unusual for me as I usually write at least a page or two about every card.  This is a message that I also need today as I think about the challenges I face both in my personal and professional life.  I need to be brave and plot my own course.  All too often I let other people plot my course for me and don't take control of my destiny.

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