Sunday, October 2, 2016

Ace of Pentacles


Ace of Pentacles
Hanson-Roberts
First Impressions:  The ace is supported by flowers, which reiterates the connection to the earth.  The background is pink suggesting either sunrise or sunset.  This card speaks to me of financial good fortune and a sense of completion, which seems odd as Aces are traditionally about beginnings.

Book:  New ventures, investment, financial gains, gifts of financial wisdom.

Guidance:  Be prepared to deal with minor stuff .  Do not lose site of spiritual wisdom.  Ground yourself.

Journaling

I am in a place right now where I do need to ground myself in the physical world.  My blood sugar numbers are horrible and I'm not sure how to fix it.  Okay, that's a lie.  I know how to fix it, I need to give up sugar and exercise.  However, giving up sugar is hard for me right now because I am fundamentally unhappy and I need love in my life and without it, I kind of feel like what's the point?

I know I am committing suicide by sugar and that it needs to stop, but my heart aches and I am ready for love and it is hard to continue to be positive when I'm alone.  I just want someone to laugh with and to share the good and the bad with.  I also disagree with Scott's advice to waiting before embarking on super powerful love magick.  Waiting never serves a good purpose for me when I have made a decision and I have.

I'm ready to let go and move on.  I just need to chart my course and execute.  If I continue to wait, I will be waiting my entire life and that's not what I want.  I'm ready to have someone new in my life.  I will always love him, but I'm done waiting.

December 23, 2017

Wow!  I am impressed with myself.  I did do a cord cutting ritual and I did let go and although it has been hard, I've worked hard to make deliberate choices to not reconnect.  I've chosen to not go to Chicago and have lunch.  I've chosen to not send emails.  I've chosen not to answer some emails.  In short, I've made the decision that is right for me and there are times it sucks, but overall it feels really really good to have made the deliberate choices to let go of the obsession.

I've also worked hard at focusing on me and focusing on living my life for me and not waiting until I have someone in my life.  I am strong and capable and although it would be nice to have someone, it is also kind of nice to have my own space and to be able to grow and change at my own pace.

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