Thursday, October 20, 2016
Daily Draw: Nine of Pentacles
Book: Pinnacle of self won achievement, material abundance and grace to appreciate it, love of plenty, disciplined, solitary enjoyment of good things in life
Guidance: Focus on team work, appreciate what you have, let others in
This card is about me and reflects so much of where I am. I do have material things, but I'm also lonely. This is where my heart is as I do appreciate the nice things in my life, but I really want someone to share my life with. Having nice things is not very meaningful if there is no one to share them with. I'm fortunate to have the kids, but it's not the same.
May 25, 2018
I realize that this is supposed to be a positive card, but I always get the impression of a woman in a gilded cage when I look at this card. She has all of these wonderful things, but she is in a walled garden that appears to not have a gate. I don't want to live in a walled facility even if I am surrounded by wonderful things.
I want a gate in my wall so that I can go out in the world and experience it and so that someone loving and kind can come in and be part of my life. I'm realizing as I mature that I love my solitude and that is not a bad thing. John and I had such a sick codependent relationship that being alone was not something I did well. I'm realizing that a big part of the reason that I loved to travel for work because I liked having my alone time. I could be myself and read, pray, and do the things that mattered to me instead of constantly catering to his whims.
He made it impossible to have time for myself because every time I started doing something that I really enjoyed, he would sabotage it. He sabotaged graduate school, he sabotaged water aerobics, he sabotaged jobs. He was so insecure that he could not stand it if I was better than him at anything.
That's a big part of the reason that I'm afraid to put myself out there and meet someone else. I'm really afraid of being in another relationship where I lose myself.
PREVIOUS BLOG | MASTER LIST | NEXT BLOG For this Blog Hop, our wrangler Jay Cassels, to " Unleash your inner Gleek and stand on ...
Previous Blog | Master List | Next Blog Welcome to the Winter Solstice Blog Hop. This go round our wrangler, Joanne Sprott, asked us to ...
Previous | Master Link | Next Welcome to the Imbolc Blog Hop. Our fearless wrangler, Morgan Drake Eckstein, has tasked us to come up w...
First impressions: Contemplation Book: Full of fire and ready to fight another day, refusing to ask others for help, resistance to c...