|Four of Pentacles|
Book: Building wealth, rootedness, using money to protect from feelings of inner loss, holding back, can be protective.
Guidance: Hold back energy at work
I am so incredibly happy to be home.I'm still not positive of what the lessons of this card are. On the one hand, I see the cautions against being a miser, but I also see the wisdom of not being completely open and giving. There is nothing wrong with holding something back for ourselves. As I say a lot, my life cannot just be for other people, there has to be something in it for me as well.
December 23, 2017
This is a loaded card for me, especially lately. One of my most hated lessons from my mother was that my life was all about everyone else. Anytime I wanted to do something, she always asked how John or the kids felt about it. I was supposed to give everything I had to other people until there was nothing left for me. John continued this lesson because even though he was home all day with the kids and I worked, I was supposed to come home and clean house and cook dinner until I had nothing for me. Because of the lessons I had learned from my mother, I accepted this and didn't push back.
I've learned a lot about balance over the last seven years and I've gotten a lot better of taking care of myself. I no longer care if people call me selfish or think I'm making life all about me, I know that I need to take care of myself first. If I do not take care of myself, there will be nothing left to give to anyone else.