Book: Dashed romantic hopes, halting a courtship, looking at things objectively, negative reaction to increased demands of the world
Guidance: Don't let your dreams delude you, maintain your emotional balance, avoid extremes
May 27, 2018
I didn't journal about this card, but this was right before my 50th birthday and I was feeling closed off and as if nothing I did mattered. One of the things that I have realized over the last few years is the need to be emotionally open and to let people in. That is really hard for me as I am not good about making friends and I don't let people in easily. Maybe the lesson for me right now is that it is okay that I don't let people in and that I need to stop beating myself up and trying so hard. It's okay that I'm not as open as other people. Everything about me is okay and I am okay.
I just need to let my life unfold and to do the best I can. If I continue to work hard on who I am and I am kind to myself, life will flow better. The problem is that my shame becomes a vicious circle as I feel shame so I don't feel like reaching out to others, then I feel closed off, then I feel shame. I think the first step in this process might not be to let people in. Maybe the first step in the process is to be kind to myself.
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