Monday, November 7, 2016
Daily Draw: Nine of Wands
Book: Full of fire and ready to fight another day, refusing to ask others for help, resistance to change
Guidance: Ask for help, be open to change
This card is about the hard won courage that comes from sticking to our guns when it would be so easy to give in and give up. I have to be honest and say I feel that way today. After my mother's guilt trip yesterday, it would be so easy to give in and play the good daughter. But I can't go back to having her question everything I do, especially as she isn't even mature enough to accept that she's doing it. I need people who are loving and supportive in my life, not people who constantly tear me down. However, part of me says I should just let go and accept who she is.
September 1, 2018
What I know now after a lot of introspection, a lot of journaling, and a lot of hard conversations with myself is that accepting who she is and keeping her out of my life are not mutually exclusive. She is not good for me and having her in my life is detrimental to my mental health. However, I have also had to accept that I need to let go of her and not think that she will be the person I need her to be in my life because she is incapable of that. She doesn't have the self awareness or the skills to be the loving, kind, and nonjudgmental person that I need in my life. And it is okay for me to not have her in my life as an act of self preservation.
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