|The Moon (Drawn Reversed) Gilded Tarot|
Book: Suppressing or denying intuition, avoiding the unknown, avoiding fears
Guidance: Don't let your emotions get the better of you, be aware of a false sense of security, attend to your soul, explore your dreams
My biggest fear is not being loved and not having a special person in my life. Unfortunately, I am still fixated on F and I don't know if anyone else will do. I still honestly don't know if part of the reason I am attached to him is that he is unavailable. Fixating on him lets me avoid one of my biggest fears which is having a relationship with someone and their leaving me.
It's a year later and I still haven't made any progress on the love front, but I have spent a lot of time working on myself and really starting to accept who I am as enough. I spent so much time listening to the bullshit of my parents and everyone else who said that in order to truly be someone I had to be with someone. I'm realizing that that is not true and that I am an amazing person in and of myself.
I see so many people who jump into relationships after they've broken up with someone because they are so afraid of being by themselves and although there are days I really hate to be alone, I'm glad I've had this time to be myself and to work through my own junk. There are days I'm lonely and really want to be with someone, but I'm also happy that I'm getting to know me.