|Nine of Pentacles|
Book: Intolerance for emotional messiness, lack of discipline, frustration from unmet goals
Guidance: Get comfortable with imperfection
This is a hard cared for me to read today. I'm not sure if it is about goals or finances. Part of what I have to figure out is why L. is bugging me so much. I don't think it is about her as it is about what she represents. She uses people without giving back and that bothers me a lot. It makes me think of John as he used me and contributed nothing. It was always all about his wants and his needs and never about mutual wants and needs. That made it difficult to have a real marriage. There was also a huge power and income disparity.
I have to be with someone in my own income bracket as I can't be with someone who makes a lot more or less as that doesn't work for me. Those relationships just have too many issues. I don't want to be the less powerful person because I refuse to be a kept woman, but I also don't want to be the keeper as that gets really old.
January 23, 2018
As I continue to grow in my tarot journey, one of the things that strikes me is how many different meanings there could be in a card. I know the 9 of pentacles is usually read as a self made woman, but I wonder if another meaning could be someone who is in a gilded cage. Someone who has everything they want, except for freedom. In some ways, I really feel like that's where I'm at lately because I have everything I want, but I sometimes feel so trapped and as if it would be wonderful to just walk away from it all. The nine of pentacles reversed could be about escaping from the gilded cage.