Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Four of Swords

Four of Swords
Robin Wood Tarot
First Impressions:   I love this card with the knight lying outside instead of in a cold room.  I can feel the knight laying there in the warmth of the sun just relaxing.  The four of swords is about relaxing and taking a break.

Book:  Peace and quiet, repair the psyche, need for release from stress, meditation

Guidance:  Take time for yourself, regroup, take care of yourself

Journaling

This card has a twofold meaning for me.  It is about resting and recuperating, but it is also about putting my swords down and not fighting everyone else's battles.  My kids don't need me to always be Mama Bear anymore.  Cam did a great job of handling a difficult situation and my jumping in would not have added anything to the situation.

It is the same at work, I need to step back and let people fight their own battles.  It is belittling to people when I fight their battles as it makes it seem as if they are not strong and capable.

January 4, 2018

Wow!  What a great reminder and ties in to a lot of realizations that I'm having lately.  I'm realizing that the kids are grownups and while I like to eat with them, they are capable of cooking their own food and they are capable of taking care of themselves.  I don't need to always put gas in the cars for them as they drive the cars, so they need to take ownership.  Sometimes it is hard for me to step back because some things are easy for me and a little more difficult for them, but if I don't step back, they will never grow up.

I'm also realizing that it is okay to put my sword down and choose not to fight someone's battles or help them even if they ask.  Yesterday morning, I got hit with these heavy waves of fear and melancholy.  I was afraid of losing my job, afraid of being homeless, etc.  It made no sense as overall I've been in a good place lately.   I worked hard to shed the nasties, but nothing was working.  I finally did a tarot spell to let go of burdens and as I did the spell, I realized that I was shedding other people's expectations of me and I realized the nasties invading my serenity were coming from my ex-husband.

We've been divorced for six years and separated for almost eight, but karmic links are hard to break and we'd been together for 22 years in this lifetime and for countless lifetimes before that.  When he is in intense emotional anguish, I feel it due to those karmic ties and I realized I was picking up on his fears.  He left a job he'd had for 10 years last year due to severe depression and anxiety, broke up with his girlfriend of two years, and is currently unemployed.  On top of this he has major medical issues and will be losing his health insurance at the end of June.  If I was in his shoes, I'd be pretty scared.

Last night before I fell asleep, I put up my shields and let it be known to the universe that I was not taking on his burdens.  His choice to walk away meant I no longer had any responsibility for his happiness, his security, or anything else.  Maintaining that boundary is hard for me as I try to be compassionate, but I can't take on his problems anymore.  He needs to be responsible for his own life.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Magician (Reversed)

Magician
Robin Wood Tarot
First Impressions:  Robin's Magician is one of my favorite cards in this deck.  I love how he the image is closer and more personal than most magician cards.  He also feels very personable  and I love the deer head because it makes him very shamanic.  Reversed the impressions I get of this card are of blocked energy and humility.

Book:  Greed, deceit, out of touch with reality, not realizing your full potential, more to give, not using skills for spiritual journey, doubting

Guidance:  Trust your instincts, pay attention to synchronicity

Journaling:

So many interesting meanings with this card.  Based on my New Year's reading, I truly feel as if I'm being called to move in a different direction, but I'm not sure what it is yet.  I feel so alive when I am working with Tarot and using it to uncover the mysteries of myself, but I'm not sure how to parlay that into building a financial future.

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to my destiny.  I know what you have planned for me is so much better than what I could do alone.  Please help me to reach my full potential and please help me to find my partner.  Please help me to open my heart to love.

Blessings, Raine

January 3, 2018

It is amazing as I read through my old tarot journals and transcribe them how much I can see my faith growing.  Although there are days when it feels like I am still the same old control freak who has to control absolutely every aspect of her life, I can see my willingness to let go and surrender continuing to grow.  As scary as it is to contemplate, I'm realizing that they are not going to provide me with a perfectly written business plan for how to become a full time spiritual entrepreneur.  Instead, I'm going to have to continue to take one step at a time and look for the next cairn.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Eight of Pentacles

Eight of Pentacles
Robin Wood Tarot
First Impressions:  The young boy is studiously making pentacles.  He has made a variety of pentacles with different wood and with different metal.  The eight of pentacles is about learning and growing, but reversed it may mean being stuck or not applying yourself.

Book:  Time to explore your goals, being unhappy at your job, need for future training

Guidance:  Vary the routine, try a more flexible approach

Journaling:

The eight of pentacles reversed has show up twice recently, which makes sense as I'm unhappy with my job.  I really dislike the travel and I hate working with clients who have absolutely no clue.  I feel stuck, but I do like the paycheck and security and these are important.  I'm not going to say it is hard to make it in a spiritual business because I know sometimes doors open up and things fall into place.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me to be open to opportunities and please provide these opportunities that will guide me down the right path.

Blessings, Raine

January 2, 2018

I'm getting cold chills (and not from the drafts) as I read this.  Shortly after I wrote this, I ended up moving over to itelligence because work dried up at NTT.  It was really weird how the job came about because I reached out to John B. as a reference and he ended up creating a job for me.  And the past year has been spent learning about patience and perseverance and about learning sales skills.  That's pretty wild.

Dearest Ones,

Thank you for opening up this opportunity.  Please help me to learn all that I need to learn so I can take the next steps.

Blessings, Raine

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Three of Cups

Three of Cups
Robin Wood
First Impressions:  Although the women are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are not looking at each other, it is as if they are in their own little worlds.  The three of cups is traditionally about friendship.

Book: Joyful, playful, joining in thriving friendships, emotional generosity

Guidance:  Be sociable, make friends

Journaling:

Not a card that I'm truly thrilled about drawing.  I know I need to get out and make friends, but I'm stuck in a rut. 

Dearest Ones,

Please guide me to the activities that are right for me.  Guide me to places where I can thrive and make real friends.  And please help me to open up and to be open to people.

Blessed Be,
Raine

January 1, 2018

It's been exactly a year since I wrote that and I still don't have any friends in Cleveland, but I have gotten to know myself better and I have actually tried some activities.  I did go to the UU church for six weeks, but that really wasn't for me as I didn't feel welcome there.  But that's okay and I've accepted that.  Right now, I'm going to be open to doing new things and if something pops up, that's great, if not that's okay too as I've always been good at taking care of myself and I'm happy being by myself.

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