Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Four of Swords

Four of Swords
Robin Wood Tarot
First Impressions:   I love this card with the knight lying outside instead of in a cold room.  I can feel the knight laying there in the warmth of the sun just relaxing.  The four of swords is about relaxing and taking a break.

Book:  Peace and quiet, repair the psyche, need for release from stress, meditation

Guidance:  Take time for yourself, regroup, take care of yourself

Journaling

This card has a twofold meaning for me.  It is about resting and recuperating, but it is also about putting my swords down and not fighting everyone else's battles.  My kids don't need me to always be Mama Bear anymore.  Cam did a great job of handling a difficult situation and my jumping in would not have added anything to the situation.

It is the same at work, I need to step back and let people fight their own battles.  It is belittling to people when I fight their battles as it makes it seem as if they are not strong and capable.

January 4, 2018

Wow!  What a great reminder and ties in to a lot of realizations that I'm having lately.  I'm realizing that the kids are grownups and while I like to eat with them, they are capable of cooking their own food and they are capable of taking care of themselves.  I don't need to always put gas in the cars for them as they drive the cars, so they need to take ownership.  Sometimes it is hard for me to step back because some things are easy for me and a little more difficult for them, but if I don't step back, they will never grow up.

I'm also realizing that it is okay to put my sword down and choose not to fight someone's battles or help them even if they ask.  Yesterday morning, I got hit with these heavy waves of fear and melancholy.  I was afraid of losing my job, afraid of being homeless, etc.  It made no sense as overall I've been in a good place lately.   I worked hard to shed the nasties, but nothing was working.  I finally did a tarot spell to let go of burdens and as I did the spell, I realized that I was shedding other people's expectations of me and I realized the nasties invading my serenity were coming from my ex-husband.

We've been divorced for six years and separated for almost eight, but karmic links are hard to break and we'd been together for 22 years in this lifetime and for countless lifetimes before that.  When he is in intense emotional anguish, I feel it due to those karmic ties and I realized I was picking up on his fears.  He left a job he'd had for 10 years last year due to severe depression and anxiety, broke up with his girlfriend of two years, and is currently unemployed.  On top of this he has major medical issues and will be losing his health insurance at the end of June.  If I was in his shoes, I'd be pretty scared.

Last night before I fell asleep, I put up my shields and let it be known to the universe that I was not taking on his burdens.  His choice to walk away meant I no longer had any responsibility for his happiness, his security, or anything else.  Maintaining that boundary is hard for me as I try to be compassionate, but I can't take on his problems anymore.  He needs to be responsible for his own life.

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