Saturday, September 2, 2017

Eight of Water

Eight of Water
Dark Goddess Tarot
First Impressions:  Sedna is always a goddess of deep despair for me based on her story.  She is a powerful goddess who withholds animals from the Inuit unless they confess their taboos and appease her.  She always strikes me as cold and unfeeling as if the trauma that her father put her through (cutting off her fingers) left her permanently devoid of compassion.

Book:  Going deep is not an easy task, let it be worthwhile.  Sedna reigns in the deep dark oceans, past the place of final breath.  Sedna was betrayed by one who loved her, one she trusted, and one who was responsible to care for her.  When she is treated with respect, she will release the animals from the deep and allow her people to partake of the bounty of the sea.

Guidance:  Sedna's guidance tells us to care for the child who has been betrayed.  She also tells us to look at old wounds we may have below the surface and to understand the links between those woulds and our woulds.

Journaling:

Wow!  This is powerful stuff and it sums up a lot of where I'm at.  I've been betrayed and sold out by people who were supposed to love and cherish me and it hurts a lot.

Luke
February 14, 2004 to July 21, 20117
RIP
I've been feeling Sedna lately as I feel the despair and the betrayal.  It feels as if I'm swimming in a deep soup of emotions and I'm scared to let go because I'm scared I will drown in these painful emotions.  I'm scared of truly feeling my grief for Luke because I'm scared that once I let the sorrow flow out, I won't be able to turn it back off.  I'm scared to go back to the deep dark place that I was after John left.  I thought I would never be able to come out of the darkness.

Message from Sedna:

There is a difference, Raine.  Your' grief for Luke is pure and unadulterated by anger or a sense of betrayal!  Luke loved you with everything he had.  There were no games or using.  It was pure unadulterated love.  You can't say that with John as there were always games.

December 18, 2017

Dear Sedna,

Thank you for the reminder that Luke's love was pure and unadulterated.  I've been feeling disloyal to Luke because I've been fallling in love with Clark because he is so cute and energetic.  I'm realizing that loving Clark doesn't dishonor Luke.  It is about opening my heart and there is room in my heart for both of them.

December 27, 2017

Wow!  This was amazingly powerful!  I've been feeling a lot of grief right now.  This time of year is hard for me as all of the drama I've been through and the body memories from all the painful stuff that has happened in November and December.  I think a lot of what I'm feeling comes down to grief and learning to grieve well.  I'm realizing that it is okay to feel my feelings and that I don't have to stuff them. If I am honest and feel my feelings when I feel them, they do not become so scary and overwhelming.


Friday, September 1, 2017

Inequality in the Sixes

I woke up this week and realized I’ve lived my entire life as a six.  Before the self love crowd starts getting on me about denigrating my appearance, let me clear I’m not talking about how I look, I’m talking about tarot cards.    As I get more and more familiar with tarot, I’m learning to really pick out patterns and apply them to my own life.  It also helps when the cards smack us upside the head with something again and again.   For me, pulling the sixes over and over again has helped me realize all the ways I’ve fostered inequality in my life.

Forgiveness in the Fours

I’ve been working on forgiving my abusive ex since the day he walked out the door seven years ago.  I was holding on to anger over his using me, abusing me, and then throwing me away.  Like many abused women, I stayed because I didn’t know how to survive without him.  However, unlike many abused women I was perfectly capable of supporting myself.  I stayed because I’d been brought up to believe a woman was nothing without a man.  While praying and choosing to forgive were the actions, it was a journey through the fours that helped me to truly find the path to peace and forgiveness.

Serenity Spread

Serenity can be an easy concept to grasp, but a hard emotion to master.  As I’ve been doing more and more lately, I turned to my Tarot cards to help me figure out how to have serenity in my life. 

BEAR Spread



I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately for a lot of reasons.  I’ve got a great new job, but I’m not traveling and I’m home doing a lot of administrative stuff until I get placed on a project.  It’s great getting paid, but I’m getting a little bored and am missing human interaction.  I’m also lonely because work provides a lot of my people interaction.  I generally travel four days a week, have intense interactions with people at work, and then I’m home for three days.  That normally suits me well, but I’ve been home for the better part of two months and I am bored, lonely, and a little depressed.

Moon

Moon
Dark Goddess Tarot
First Impressions:  I didn't like this card the first time I saw it as it felt like there was a snake or worm encircling the moon.  However, the more I've meditated on it and spent time with it, I'm more appreciative of the beauty of the card.  It shows Adrianhod weaving the moon.  I like that her silver wheel is the Wheel of Time, but of the seasons and reincarnation.  My first impressions of this card are it is a time for intuition, but also the possibility of being disillusioned.

Book:  Weaver creating destiny, guide in the realm of the soul, shapeshifter, manifesting destiny

Guide:  Let change unfold, look for meanings and guidance, let your imagination journey

Journaling:  

Cairn
Bell Tower in Sedona, AZ
I needed to hear this guidance about letting things manifest differently than desired.  I need to trust deity and I do't do a good job with trust.  I think I am such an absolute control freak because I don't trust anyone.  I need to go back and listen to the lessons of the cairns that they provided in Arizona.  I need to see the first cairn, walk to it, then walk to the next cairn.  I do not need to be shown the whole path at once.

December 18, 2017

I'm realizing that one of the reasons tarot appeals to me is that it appeals to both my logic and my intuition.

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