|Siren of Earth|
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: This is the life in the belly: raw, ridiculous, sublime; Goddess of the belly laugh, power of laughter to activate the power of creativity. This is the time for feminine renewal and sexuality
Guidance: Laugh and smile deliberately, explore your body, explore physicality, be outlandish
I love the reminder to be bawdy and explore my uncivilized self. I'm not sure how I feel about being in the company of women as that's always been disappointing for me. I've never been comfortable with women. I feel relations with women are stilted and as if they don't get me. I've always been much more comfortable with men. Of course, today it is much too cold to be bawdy about anything! The wood room is freezing and I don't know if I'll ever be warm!
January 2, 2018
It's interesting as I reflect on this as to why this card makes me really uncomfortable and it goes back to a lot of interactions with other women. Oddly, in these interactions I was the prude:
- When I was a preteen or a young teenager we were at my Grandmother Babcock's house making butter and she said something about not getting pregnant by holding a pill between my legs. At the time, I had no clue what she was talking about, but it made me uncomfortable.
- My mother was talking to a friend while I was in the backseat of the car when I was 10 or so and she said something about my dad reaching for her breast and grabbing a roll of fat instead. That made me incredibly uncomfortable.
- When John and I were first dating, we went to Joan and George's and Vicky and Joyce were talking about my breasts and how they had kept growing. That was so awkward and made me uncomfortable, but when I protested I was told I was too sensitive.
In my mind all three of these interactions were really inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable. I have no problem making impersonal bawdy comments, but two of these were directed at me and the third was by my mother...ick. John also made me uncomfortable because he'd have really inappropriate conversations with the kids and when I asked him to stop, he refused and told me I was too sensitive.
What I'm realizing this as I read this is that I'm not really a prude and I don't necessarily think other women are prudes, but I want agency over bawdy conversations and I want my feelings to be listened to and to not be told I'm too sensitive or that I need to lighten up.
Wow! Pretty incredible what the cards tell us when we pay attention and listen.