This work is part of the Shadow Work series from the International Tarot Foundation's Shadow Work Series.
What parts of my shadow manifest in my relationships?
Dreamer Ten tells me that I bring my depression and spilling my guts. When I'm in a relationship I have a tendency to emotionally bleed all over the other person and spill my guts. That's really true for me and it is something I've been working on as I've learned that being open and honest with another person doesn't mean holding them hostage and doesn't give me the right to spill everything and bring them down. It is okay to gain support from others, but i can't drown them in my emotional ick.
Dancer Three tells me that I bring a sense of joy and happiness to relationships. It isn't all drowning
in my emotional soup, I also bring a sense of friendship. This card tells me more than anything that I do want my significant other to be a friend as well as a lover. Although on the surface, this sounds very positive, there is some emotional baggage here as when I was married I believed wholeheartedly that my spouse should be my best friend, but my ex didn't feel that way and it hurt. To a certain extent, that leaves me afraid to open my heart up and be vulnerable.
Maker Queen tells me I have the ability to heal my shadow side. I need to trust in my nurturing instinct and my ability to heal myself as well as others.
Overall, these were incredibly accurate and powerful cards.
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
About the Hop
I'm super excited because this is my first Blog Hop and the first time I'm dipping my foot into the Tarot Collaboration waters. If you're not familiar with a Blog Hop, a bunch of bloggers agree to write about a specific topic and post on a specific day. Each blog post includes links to the post before and after so that you can hop from post to post. Our wrangler for this Hop is Aisling the Bard and she came up with a super special Blog Hop that taps into the energy of Imbolc and the Blue Moon.
The Particulars per Aisling the Bard
We are calling this Hop “Brighid’s Blue Moon”. This festival is a “trifecta”, a combination of three significant events on a single date. February 1st is “Imbolc”, meaning “In the Belly”, the festival dedicated to Brighid of the Three Fires, who brings life back to Land, Sea, and Sky after winter’s doldrums have passed. But on Imbolc Eve, the day before the festival, we will see a Full Moon, which is also a Blue Moon, the second Full Moon in a calendar month. Therefore, we are celebrating a “Solilune”, a combination of a Solar and Lunar Festival, and it’s dedicated to a Deity who Herself is represented in Her Celtic realm by three Elemental locations, Land, Sea, and Sky, and three characteristics of the Inner Flame, Poesy, Smithcraft, and Healing, as well as shedding her beneficent influence on three areas of human life, Body, Mind, and Spirit . This day also represents a Secret Gift of Spirit, the Blue Moon, representing those things that are rare and precious--after all, they only happen “Once in a Blue Moon”. Therefore, we will be creating a pattern of triplicity in our draw and layout for this Hop.
Deciding to Hop
I have to be honest and say that I was a little overwhelmed when I read the requirements for this hop so I did what I always do when I get overwhelmed, I put it aside for a bit and went about my life. While I was in this reflective period, I drew Brighid from the Dark Goddess Tarot as my card of the day and she told me to step through the flames and I would be transformed. She assured me that the flames would not consume me, but would make me a better version of myself.
I went back to the blog post and read it more carefully and it didn't seem so overwhelming and I felt ready to proceed. I chose to use the Dark Goddess Tarot, both because of the wisdom I'd gotten from Brighid and because I've felt in need of feminine guidance. I've had male mentors my entire life and they have helped me tremendously, but as I get older, I realize that I need feminine wisdom in my life and the Dark Goddess Tarot provides that.
I generally create backgrounds for all my spreads to help me connect to the energy of the spread and so that my tarot journal looks pretty ;). Sometimes, I use physical art supplies, but since I was traveling, I turned to PowerPoint and created a background for the foundation, construction, and surprise.
After choosing my deck, creating my background, and lighting a candle, there was nothing left to do but dive into the reading.
The Foundation: You will draw three cards, one representing Land (Body), one for Sky (Mind) and the third one for Sea (Spirit). These will indicate for you the physical, mental, and emotional/spiritual focus of your year-to-come. These cards honor the Solar Festival of Imbolc and the Three Fires of Brigid.
Body: This card represents the body and provides guidance about what I need to do over the coming year to honor my body and take care of myself. Fittingly, I drew the Five of Earth (Demeter) for this position. Ellen Lorenzi-Prince, the creator of the Dark Goddess Tarot, guides us to "Give no part of yourself to what does not sustain you." This perfectly sums up the conclusions I'm drawing as I begin my 52nd year on this beautiful planet. I'm realizing that, like Demeter, I sometimes need to withdraw my support for others and focus on my own needs. Although doing so may seem selfish, it really is the only way that I can regrain (a fitting typo) my strength. This is a very difficult lesson for women to learn as we've been conditioned to put the needs of others first and been told repeatedly that we are selfish if we take time for ourselves.
Mind: The mind card provides guidance on how to nurture and grow my mental abilities throughout the coming year. Isis, the Magician, came to me in this position and her message was to believe in my own power and the power I have, in partnership with the divine, to manifest what I need/want in life. Isis reminded me that I do possess incredible power and that it is my responsibility to channel this power for good. Isis reminds us magic happens when we marry our intent with physical actions. On a personal note, Isis is also about the power of love and my goal this year is to manifest more love in my life so Isis is reminding me that I need to not only do the magic, I also have to make room in my life for Love.
Spirit--The Spirit/Emotional card is about honoring my spiritual and emotional needs. Blodeuwedd (Nine of Earth) appeared in this position. She tells me that it is time for me to reclaim my personal power and to choose to be a star in my own life. All too often, we choose to be supporting characters in life by enabling others to achieve their dreams, while doing nothing to create the lives that we want. Echoing the message of Demeter, Blodeuwedd reminds us that we need to unlearn the lesson that it is selfish to take care of our own need and learn the importance of valuing self care and our own lives. She also reminds is that we are the stars of our lives and we need to step up and reclaim that role.
Overall, thee cards provided powerful lessons about taking charge of my life and choosing to make my own needs a priority.
The Construction: This Moon, according to the Celtic Tree Calendar, is the Full Rowan Moon. This tree is sacred to Brighid, and represents “Protection from Evil Enchantment”. It is considered a Guardian, a Guide, and a Gateway, so that we may be safely sheltered and receive direction as we walk down the new path of the year. So the three cards you draw for the second level, the Lunar energy of the year, will represent the answers to the following three questions: What is the energy of the new path that presents itself? From what will I need protection on this journey? What energies of my own or of spirit will guide and protect me?
From what will I need protection on this journey?: Oya (the Witch of Air) tells me that I need protection from the clutter that can build up in my environment and in my soul. Oya comes in and blows away that which no longer serves us and makes room for the new. Oya is a goddess of transition and she helps us see that the world is ever changing. What I love about Oya is that she appears to be always in motion and she reminds me that standing lightly on the earth can help me to feel grounded.
What energies of my own or of spirit will guide and protect me? Lethe, representing the four of cups, reminds me that I need to take responsibility for saying no to things that are not in my best interests. The traditional four of cups shows a discontented person folding their arms and refusing a cup being offered by a giant hand. Some people read this to mean being stubborn or ungrateful, but I've always read the four of cups as saying no to something that is not in my best interest. Perhaps my view of the world comes from having grown up in a family that constantly gave unsolicited advice, then got upset when I disregarded it. I learned that I had to be very firm in turning down advice and stuff that did not serve me, so I have a lot of sympathy for the person in the four of cups who is saying no to something he/she does not want.
These were powerful lessons of both being protected and guided by spirit and by actions I can take to help myself over the coming year.
The Surprise: Once in a Blue Moon, wonderful things come forth. Draw your final three cards connected with Body, Mind, and Spirit, in that order, to see what treasures the Universe has in store for you.
Body: Aphrodite (Siren of Water) is another card that is is almost too perfect in the position of surprises of the body that the universe has in store for me. I had a love/hate relationship with Aphrodite until she showed up in a reading and gave me an incredible message, "I am not your rival. I am you. Embrace my gifts of beauty and sensuality. Let go of the fear in your heart about not being pretty enough or sexy enough. These are old messages. You are beautiful, kind, loving, and have a beautiful heart. I am not your rival, I can be your coach and friend if you can open up your heart and trust." Receiving Aphrodite again in this position just reiterates the message that I am enough and that I need to love myself. She also gives me a delicious reminder that love and lust may be coming my way shortly.
Mind: Maat (Justice) tells me to use my heart as well as my mind to evaluate relationships and situations. It also tells me to carefully evaluate the relationships in my life to determine whether or not they add value. This is hard for me because in the past, I've tended to put myself in the other person's shoes to my own detriment. When my ex was abusing me, instead of standing up for myself or telling him he was out of line, I made excuses for him and continued to put up with his bad behavior. Maat is telling me that it is okay to set boundaries and protect myself. Echoing Isis, Maat is also telling me that my words have power and that I should use my words carefully. Lately, Maat is telling me to embrace order instead of chaos.
Spirit: Maman Brigette (Hag of Fire) is my guide for this question and she reminds me to honor my ancestors and the gifts I've received from them. This one is hard for me because I am estranged from much of my family for a variety of reasons, but one of the actions I have been taking lately is to step back from personalities and remember the lessons I've learned from them. One of my new practices is to take some time on my ancestors' death days and to make an altar to them and to pull a few cards. This practice is helping me to put the past into perspective and to let go of my anger.
These cards gave me some delicious insights into how to live my life over the coming year and provided guidance on things I should do as well as actions I should avoid.
Overall, this was a deliciously deep dive and provided amazing insights. Some of the messages I received were reiterating things I already know and others were new insights that I will reflect on over the coming days.
Use the links below to hop to other posts in this blog hop.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: Fire purifies, water restores, powerful and approachable, something new that arises from the union.
Guidance: Situation is improved by providing skill and attention, different feelings require expression, pull the pain out of your soul, seek balance.
Wow! As I pulled this card, I found myself facing Brighid. She was standing behind the flames and beckoning me to step through the forms and to be transformed. She stands there, welcoming me, beckoning me, calling me; but stepping through the flames of transformation has to be my choice. I can step through the flames of love or I can choose to stay where I am. She is telling me that the burning flames of passion will transform me and not destroy me. I realize that I have been terrified that if I allow myself to fall in love again, I will lose all that I am. She is telling me that I will change, but will be transformed.
January 13, 2018
This was the third card in a row I pulled that talked about change and growth. I'm realizing, that I'm tired of the corporate world. I'm tired of all the games, of the need to play nice, of the need to take bullets for the company. I'm tired of it all, but I like my salary and I like the freedom. Part of my problem is that I always lead with my heart. I put my heart and soul into what I do and it's hard when that is for a company that doesn't value what I do. I'm bone tired and weary. I also know that part of the reason I stay is for the benefits that I keep in case I need to go to the doctor or need to seek care. It is difficult to consider being an entrepreneur in this country when the cost of healthcare is so high.
Please guide me down the path I am meant to be on and help me find a way to feed my soul and have the house and benefits I have now. Help me and guide me to the people that it is right for me to meet. Help me to find a way to build a spiritual business while still receiving my paycheck until I am in a position to go solo.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Life can be hard sometimes and we often carry around burdens that aren't ours. Sometimes we carry worry about our loved ones or the weight of others expectations. When that happens, we can start to feel like the person in the 10 of wands who is bent over from carrying all the weight of all the wands in the world. When that happens it might be time for a little tarot magic to help ease your burden.
Before doing this little spell, find a time when you won't be disturbed, take the phone off the hook (or put it on silent), tell your family you need some alone time, and find a comfortable place. It can be your kitchen table, an altar, your desk, or any place that feels comfortable to you. If you want to set the mood, you can light a candle and some incense, but that's not necessary to do this spell. Grab your favorite tarot deck and get comfortable.
Once you're comfortable, pull the following cards from your deck:
- The Ten of Wands
- A court card that represents you
- The ace corresponding to your court card
|Ten of Wands|
After you've pulled your cards, hold the ten of wands in front of you and step into the person on the card. Feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, look into the distance and see the town that is so far away. Take some time to think about what you're carrying on your shoulders. I realized that all the weight I felt was the weight of everyone else's expectations: the weight of my children's need to be supported, the weight of my mother's expectations about how I lived my life, the weight of my ex-husband's thoughts about what I should or should not be doing in my life, the weight of work expectations, etc. After you've identified what you're carrying around that you're ready to release, let the wands fall off your back. Feel yourself releasing the burdens you're carrying, as they fall off your back, stand up tall and move your shoulders around.
Now, pick up the court card and imagine yourself embodying this card. Feel yourself within the card as you take on the confidence of the card. Look around as if you were seeing the world from the court card's position. Feel queenly, feel kingly, feel the strong and bold energy of a knight, or feel the inquisitive energy of a page.
Once you feel you are inhabiting the energy of the court card, pick up the ace and envision yourself using the energy of the card to create a bubble around you. If you are using a wand or sword, you can envision yourself drawing a circle on the ground that encompasses you and becomes an energy sphere. If you're using a pentacle, imagine sprinkling salt around yourself and creating an energy sphere. For those of you who chose water, imagine a bubble getting bigger until it surrounds you.
Take a few moments to sit within your magic bubble, envisioning it's walls serving as a boundary between you and the burdens that are no longer yours. Sit within the peace and calm of your sanctuary and remind yourself that you only have to carry the burdens you choose to pick you and you can choose to put down the burdens that are not yours at any time.
When you're ready to leave your sacred bubble, open your eyes and re orientate yourself to your ordinary surroundings. And the next time you are tempted to pick up someone else's burdens, remind yourself of your sacred bubble.
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: All the world changes, necklace of skulls and skirt of limbs, beloved by people as she allows them to move beyond fear.
Guidance: Pray that Kali will be kind, illusions will be shattered, ride it out as best you can, do not evade dealing with something difficult
There are a couple of difficult things that I am dealing with at work. The first is not being 100% dedicated to a project and billable. However, feeling insecure does not mean I am on unstable ground. It is a feeling and not necessarily a fact. Building new things always brings with it a period of adjustment, of change, and of growth. Going through change does not mean that things will not work out. It just provides opportunities for good things to flow into my life.
I also need to accept that something I've really wanted in my life is an illusion and is not going to happen. The one thing I have come to realize about this situation is that it really isn't about me. Just because someone is not in a position to do something, does not mean I am unlovable or unworthy. It really is not personal and has nothing to do with me. The good thing is that this realization doesn't shatter me or even make me sad and that makes me happy.
January 13, 2018
Despite the fact that I deal with change everyday at work, it is still not something I truly enjoy. I especially hate the destructive aspects of change because it hurts and is painful. My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me as it allowed me to become more truly myself, but it was also the hardest thing that ever happened to me. I was stripped to the bone and there were times when it felt as if I would never recover. However, it also allowed me to rebuild myself and to become a better and stronger person.
Friday, January 5, 2018
|Witch of Air|
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: Tear the veil between the worlds and anything can happen, riding storms into battle, bringing change to all she touches, destruction, carrying the power of the wind
Guidance: Your power is great during this time of upheaval, power comes from knowing your heart and soul
I love the message of Oya, especially as I sit here listening to the wind howling. It feels like a time of transition. The world is changing and I can choose to move with it or to resist and be blown apart. One of the lesson I'm feeling is that Oya flows back and forth, she doesn't just move in one direction.
I know there are times I need to move backward to take a step forward, but the step backward doesn't have to be really far as sometimes just one step back can really help us to gain perspective. As I sit and listen to the cold wind blow, I'm realizing the other lesson from Oya's world: She blows away that which is no longer needed The leaves are blowing off the trees now because they are no longer needed, but the snow stays put as it is needed to help the planet grow.
What needs to blow away in my life to reveal the bones of the matter? What is important to me? What needs to stay?
January 20, 2018
Goddess of Change, Goddess of the Marketplace, please help me to see what I need to let go of and help me to be the person I need to be. Please help me to let go of that which no longer serves me.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: From dissolution comes awareness, portal through which gods speak to man, sacred stone is the navel of the world, sisterhood, relinquishing your name
Guidance: Believe in the power of oracles, believe in your intuition, you know more than you can explain, read the signs of day and night.
I love the reminder to trust the oracle and your intuition. One of the things I've been learning /realizing is that I need to return to the time of innocence and faith. It is so hard to trust sometimes because of all these doubts about whether I am worthy creep in, but I am a child of the divine so of course I am worthy. This leads me to the question of If I'm worthy and should not be judged, than who am I to be judging John as unworthy?
The message I'm receiving is that I am not judging whether or not he is worthy of divine love, I'm saying that he has hurt and betrayed me and I no longer want the craziness and disruption that he brings to my life. Those are two separate things.
January 20, 2018
This is amazingly profound and it gives me deep satisfaction as I think a lot of my turmoil about my life is about wanting to set boundaries and not have people in my life, but then I view myself as judgemental. The reality is that saying someone has hurt you and that you do not want them in your life is way different than being judgemental.
As I reflect on this, I'm realizing that being judgemental is judging people's behavior that may or may not affect you. Wow! as I wrote this, I realized that my mother has influenced this behavior as well because I hated what a judgemental bitch she was so I've gone the opposite way and refused to set boundaries that protect myself. She judged me for working even though it did not affect her so because of that I chose to not judge John and let him abuse me because if I set a boundary, I would be judging him. Wow! That's pretty f*ed up.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Interestingly enough that's the title of a book that I bought several years ago and had forgotten about until I received my message from the fool. It's moved from the bottom of my bookshelf to my nightstand and as I've started to read though it, I've realized why the book was at the bottom of my bookshelf. When I bought the book, my impression from thumbing through it was that if you took the first step, the entire path would be laid out before you and you would have an absolute guarantee that things would work out. I've never found that to be the case in life so I got frustrated when I first picked up the book and put it back down.
However, I've gained maturity since I first bought that book and had my own experience with taking the next right step and being guided to the next one. My guides knocked that message into my head heard when I got lost on Bell Tower could not find the path. I had to ask for directions and the message was find the first cairn and once you've found that one, you'll be able to see the next one. All I had to do was keep finding the next cairn and I'd find my way out.
I'm realizing that my guides are giving me two messages via the Fool. The first is that I need to take the next right step in building a spiritual business that can sustain me in retirement. I don't need to have the entire plan laid out right now, all I need to do is to take the next right step and the path to the next cairn will appear.
The second is a little harder for me as I need to not only trust my guides that the path will appear, but I also have to trust myself to take the right steps. For someone who has struggled with self esteem issues and struggled to believe I'm worthy of being led and that my efforts and knowledge are worth sharing, that is a tremendous act of trust and faith. However, the message they are whispering in my ear is that I am a child of the Goddess and of course I am worthy.
And for those of you who can't visualize what that shimmer bridge looks like, here is Indiana Jones stepping off the cliff and onto a shimmery bridge. I realized after I'd had my Fool Moment, that I'd seen that shimmery bridge before and it only took a few clicks on YouTube to find it :)
Note: The image above is the fool from a Prophecy Wine label
|Four of Earth|
Dark Goddess Lodge
Book: How you define your life limits your life, you are asked to define and claim your life, life is about more than one possesses, it is about what one leaves behind.
Guidance: Definitions work two ways, helping you understand reality and separating your perception from reality; find your own reality, define your own reality, honor what you have to work with.
I am intrigued by this card as the traditional four of earth (pentacles) is about being a miser and hoarding. I'm wondering if the wisdom of this card is that if in hoarding wealth or knowledge it doesn't grow. When we nurture our wisdom and money without hoarding it, they can grow and change and become something else. I like the idea of redefining a position based on moving words around and challenging beliefs. I am finding that as I choose to do affirmations and open my heart and mind to new ways of thinking, life starts to change. It is also about being honest and being willing to ask for help and accept guidance
January 20, 2018
It is amazing how making a deliberate decision to change our lives, then doing the magickal and physical work to make that happens really helps. I'm choosing to let go of the past and doing affirmations and spells to make that happen. I'm also making deliberate decisions to not put myself in situations that will suck me back int my longings and old behavior. It's really hard, but every time I make a decision to not do something, to not visit Chicago, to not make a phone call, to not text, etc., I feel better about myself and that makes it easier to make the right decision the next time.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
|Ten of Earth|
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: Kin and Kind, living and dead are all part of one another, totality of the earth in all its variety and appearances, Goddess of morality and judgement, keeper of customs and laws.
Guidance: Let relationships go as needed, do not seek vengeance, celebrate good fortune, celebrate those whose work you admire, keep and renew your relationship with the earth
This reading hits where I'm at today about the need to let go of people without vengeance. It is about shedding the ties that no longer should be binding us. My tie to John is a big one as he hurt me badly. I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamed we were sleeping together and he made an amorous advance. Initially, I responded to him, but then my dream rewound and I asked him if he loved me or if I was just convenient. When he didn't respond, I knew everything I needed to know. This helped me to realize that our issues were not all about me and that he really does see women as objects.
January 20, 2018
As I read this, I'm realizing that my relationship with the earth also needs to include my relationship with my body. This was an incredibly hard week and I lost my connection to both the earth and myself. I spent most of my week in my head dealing with issues and lost track of the world around me. I didn't make time to go to the ocean or to ground myself and I'm paying the price. This week may be just as insane, but I need to make time to ground and take care of myself.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Book: Bent over from the weight of his burden, vision is blocked, cannot see beyond visible path
Guidance: Don't allow yourself to be a beast of burden, be positive
This card really sums up where I've been lately. It really feels as if I am walking around carrying everyone else's burdens and doing things to make life easier for others. I'm tired of doing that and I'm tired of sacrificing. I'm also tired of being lonely and empty inside. I just feel so unloved and so empty.
Clean house and get rid of the junk and you'll feel better. Also let go of getting your sense of self/reason for living from external sources.
|Three of Air|
Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: If it is not real and true, sever all ties, heralding a vast awakening, healing through destruction, quickly cutting through obstacles.
Guidance: Face the harsh truth, put something in place of your wound, open yourself to the experience
I really love this reading and this card. It is a reminder to let go of what no longer serves me and to open up to the possibilities of life. I'm at a crossroads and I know that in order to move forward, I need to make some hard choices. One of those choices is to choose to let go of my hope that something is going to happen with X and I need to put him in my rear view mirror. I need to do like I am doing with so much of my life and keep the good and the lessons that I've learned and let go of that which no longer serves me. Being diabetic also no longer serves me and I need to get with the program and quit the sugar.
January 13, 2018
The three of swords is still not my favorite card in the deck, but I am learning to appreciate it and to see the value in admitting heartbreak and accepting it versus hiding it. I'm also seeing the value in having the pain drain out.
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