|King of Pentacles|
Book: Enjoy the finer things in life, working hard for what you have, wanting to set aside responsibility, not satisfied by the good life, sharing what he has.
Guidance: Welcome change and innovation, you've earned what you have
Interesting that s I'm sitting looking over the city, I'm lonely. It feels as if I have everything I need or desire, but it doesn't mean anything.
January 23, 2018
It's been over a year since I pulled that card and my perspective has changed so much. Although I still want someone in my life, I'm better able to appreciate what I have and the person I've become. I think a big part of my problem was that I didn't think I should be comfortable being alone and I didn't think I should be proud of my accomplishments. My parents raised me to believe I was nothing without a man and John reinforced that by being jealous of who I was and what I had accomplished. He was continually trying to bring me down a notch and it became easier to just be "less than" than to deal with his drama. What I've learned is that it really is/was his drama. He was the one that felt inadequate. It was nothing that I did. It was all about his inadequacies. I don't and can't own them.
The funny thing is that the word that keeps coming up for me is Fierce. I feel fierce when I manage all the different aspects of my life. I feel fierce when I kick butt and take names. I'm learning that sometimes you just need to be direct and tell people what to do. It still feels really uncomfortable for me, but I know it is what needs to be done.