Dark Goddess Tarot
Book: From dissolution comes awareness, portal through which gods speak to man, sacred stone is the navel of the world, sisterhood, relinquishing your name
Guidance: Believe in the power of oracles, believe in your intuition, you know more than you can explain, read the signs of day and night.
I love the reminder to trust the oracle and your intuition. One of the things I've been learning /realizing is that I need to return to the time of innocence and faith. It is so hard to trust sometimes because of all these doubts about whether I am worthy creep in, but I am a child of the divine so of course I am worthy. This leads me to the question of If I'm worthy and should not be judged, than who am I to be judging John as unworthy?
The message I'm receiving is that I am not judging whether or not he is worthy of divine love, I'm saying that he has hurt and betrayed me and I no longer want the craziness and disruption that he brings to my life. Those are two separate things.
January 20, 2018
This is amazingly profound and it gives me deep satisfaction as I think a lot of my turmoil about my life is about wanting to set boundaries and not have people in my life, but then I view myself as judgemental. The reality is that saying someone has hurt you and that you do not want them in your life is way different than being judgemental.
As I reflect on this, I'm realizing that being judgemental is judging people's behavior that may or may not affect you. Wow! as I wrote this, I realized that my mother has influenced this behavior as well because I hated what a judgemental bitch she was so I've gone the opposite way and refused to set boundaries that protect myself. She judged me for working even though it did not affect her so because of that I chose to not judge John and let him abuse me because if I set a boundary, I would be judging him. Wow! That's pretty f*ed up.