|Six of Pentacles|
Book: Giving, letting resources fall by the wayside, giving too much, choices, needs being mutually met, power imbalance, abuse
Guidance: Give wisely, examine your motives in giving, strive for more equality
This card confirms what I know in my heart that X and I will never be together. He sees me as a peer and as strong and that's not what he wants. He likes to be the white knight who rides the rescue and that's not the situation any more. I think I knew it was over 3 years ago when he said I was a strong woman. That should have been a compliment, but it hurt like hell. It felt as if I was slapped in the face. In some ways, that was worse than all the insults that John threw at me. At the time, I thought my reaction was just me being paranoid, but I knew now that wasn't paranoia, that was the end of whatever chance I had of being with him. He likes damsels in distress and that was the day I knew that wasn't me any longer.
January 23, 2018
I'm not exactly sure how I got from the six of pentacles to the conclusion I drew, but I guess that is what the gods were whispering in my ear when I pulled this card. When I look at this pull in combination with the Nine of Pentacles Reversed that I drew before, this makes so much sense. The nine of pentacles was me being released from my golden cage and this card is confirming that I am my own person. I no longer need someone to take care of me as I'm quite capable of taking care of myself.
The thing is that I've been quite capable of taking care of myself for quite a long time, but because of the conditioning I received, I thought I needed someone and that I was nothing on my own. It's taken me a long time to realize it, but I am good enough on my own and I don't need someone to take care of me. I've also realized that collaborating and being taken care of are two different things. I can collaborate with people and continue to be capable and strong.