Saturday, March 31, 2018

Daily Draw: Knight of Swords

First Impressions:  Rushing into battle, defending someone's honor

Book: Chivalrous tasks, passionate warrior who tries to conquer all that is wrong in the world

Guidance:  Do what you believe is right, be careful not to rush in too quickly, some people are idiots

Journaling

This card an mean so many things.  It can mean rushing into battle without a plan, it can mean leaving doubt behind.  For me it means letting go of fear and moving ahead.  There will always be things and people that pull us back, but sometimes we need to move forward despite these doubts.  We need to test the wisdom of our soul instead of trusting other people.  I'm not always so good at this and often get all wound up about what other people think.  I need to let go of that and live my life for me instead of for others.

December 27, 2018

Interesting reading on this today.  I do spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about what other people think.  I've let go of a lot of it and now it is mostly around financial stability.  However, I don't think that is an all together bad thing.  I think we need to do the right things to stay employed and I think that we need to respect other people. 

Wow!  As I wrote that, I realized there is a huge difference between respecting other people and worrying about what other people think.  Respecting other people is about being mindful of people's time, about showing up for meetings on time, about being prepared.  Those are things we should do to stay employed and because we should show respect for others.  The flip side of that is agonizing over every little thing we do and say.  If I am working to do the right things and I am respectful, I need to let go of my worry about people assessing the nuances. 

That's pretty freeing when you think about it.  I've also been doing a lot of meditating on the belief that I owe people explanations or answers to their questions and I'm realizing that I don't.  I don't need to explain why I am going back to school.  I don't need to explain why I moved to Cleveland.  I don't need to explain any of that to anyone.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Wealth, stability

Book:  Wisdom accumulated from families, passing on wisdom

Guidance:  Listen to what ancestors have to say

Journaling

Sometimes I am so jealous of people who have big families as it means having people you can rely on in your life and I don't really have anyone I can rely on.  STOP!  I am done with that message that the line of thinking that keeps me not trusting anyone and keeps me locked in a solitary prison of my own creation.  There are people who will support me and care for me.  I just have to put down my shields and let people in.  I have to trust.  Part of my being able to trust is keeping myself focused on the page.  I do so much better when I am kamikazi personal growth mode because I am continuing to batter down the doors.  It is when I stop journaling and stop making time for me that I struggle.   Big groups are difficult for me because I struggle when I do not get enough time alone.  I just need to focus on the things that help me grow.

December 25, 2018

It's funny because I was thinking about the topic of having a kamikazi approach to life this week and I realized that it is not just my personal growth that I take that approach to, it is everything.  And I cannot do that with everything in my life or I burn myself out.  I've realized that I need to find the balance that is right for me in life.  For me, that is about 75 percent time alone to do my own thing and about 25 percent of the time with people.  Any more people time than that and I am unhappy and cranky.  I also know that for me one on one time or small groups works better than big groups.  I feel lost in big groups.

I think the bottom line is that I need an approach that works for me.  When I try an approach that works for others, it might not work for me.


Thursday, March 29, 2018

Daily Draw: The Moon

First Impressions:  Darkness, howling, intuition, lunacy

Book:  Moon is the light in the darkness, Fearing what we do not understand, Primal need guides us on our journey

Guidance:  Listen to your dreams, allow the moon to caress you

Journaling

The moon can be about peace or lunacy.  The moon can also be a time of great healing.  I feel as if my soul is healing today as I let go of all the things that are holding me back.  I really need to work sometimes to stay in touch with myself and to let go of everything that brings me down.  One of the things I really need to let go of is perceptions.  I have perceptions about what other people think and how other people perceive me.  That's where the illusions come in.  I assume people think  poorly of me or are judging me when that is rarely the case.  People usually have either a positive or neutral impression of me, but my own self loathing gets in the way and I project my feelings about myself. 

I need to stop doing that.  I also need to just stop worrying about what other people think of me.  At the end of the day, I need to just STOP.  I need to let go of that because I cannot control what other people think of me.  The only person I can control is me.

December 25, 2018

One of the most important lessons I have learned this year is that I need both my brain and my heart.  My heart and intuition is great, but sometimes I delve into paranoia and that is not healthy for me.  Sometimes my paranoia feels like intuition and when that happens I am in trouble.  I've learned that the trick for me is to step back and ask myself whether it makes logical sense and if it is negative.  It's taken me a while, but I am learning to differentiate between intuition and paranoia.  I've found that it is usually paranoia if I'm telling myself that everyone is against me.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Daily Draw: Chariot

First Impressions:  Pulled two directions, controlling one's emotions

Book:  Directed and controlled energy, clear road to hopes and dreams

Guidance:  Use your mind and your heart to be successful, give it your best shot, do what you can

Journaling:

There is so much to think about with the Chariot.  My gut instinct react to this card is always about controlling my emotions and keeping them in check.  This is so true for me because I have been vulnerable lately and I've let the negative voices in my head get the best of me.  Everything I don't do perfectly, I've magnified.  When I think about our presentation, I did a good job.  I was articulate, I made my points, and I did a good job.  It is not my fault that our presentation was a mishmash and it is not my fault that other people convoluted testing and training.  None of that is my fault.  I can only control me.  Everything else is outside of my purview.  I provide my input and if people choose not to listen, there is nothing that I can do about it.  I cannot control the universe.

I think I need to have that tattooed on my forehead because I continually forget.  I also need to quit taking everything so personally.  It's not personal.  I know that part of the reason that I do this is that all I have in life is work.  I need to expand my horizons and make work a part of my life instead of my whole life.  I need to pray for guidance and figure out how to go from here to there.

December 25, 2018

There's lots of juicy stuff in this card.  One of the things I'm taking away as I re-read what I wrote and as I meditate on the chariot is about the importance of staying in my lane and I do that by not getting distracted by the things that are outside of the lines that I cannot control.  I cannot control the shit my mother says, but I can control whether or not I listen to it.  I cannot control how other people do their presentations, but I can control whether I take ownership or not.

As I'm meditating on this card, I'm realizing that it is a card of self control.  It is a card that is saying I can drive forward or I can choose to be distracted.


Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Daily Draw: Emperor

First Impressions:  Master of his domain, rigid

Book:  Domination of mind over heart is sometimes necessary, now is a time you should find it easier to make choices

Guidance:  Enjoy the assertiveness and confidence that self control and confidence brings

Journaling

I like the message of this card.  I have ot been feeling like the master of my domain lately.  I've been beating myself up and noticing every single screw up.  I'm also in that fearful place I fought so hard to get out of.  I'm feeling like I'm an idiot and as if nothing I say or do matters.  I think I'm feeling like I felt about my mother.  She always had to interject herself even if she had no clue what she was talking about.  The thing is that I am not that person.  I do know what I'm talking about and I do have the credentials to back it up.  I do matter and I am part of the team.

I"m also feeling like I don't matter in my personal life.  I feel like a drudge.  It's interesting in reading the JD Robb book, the used the term fader to describe someone who fades into the background.  I feel like that a lot.  I feel as if no one cares about me.  The thing is that before anyone else can care about me,I need to care about me and I don't do a good job of showing I care about me.

Iagree with my choice to not take drugs, but I don't even check my blood on a regular basis.  I don't get exercise and I do way too much sugar.  Why would anyone else care about me when I don't even do the basics of self care?  I need to spend some time this weekend meditating and truly thinking about whether I want to live or die.  And if I want to live I need to start taking care of myself.  I also need to really look at who I am and what I want out of life and where I'm going.

I don't like living my life in a way that makes it all about others.  I want a life where I matter.

December 25, 2018

This is a card I'm learning to embrace in my own life.  Being the Emperor means that I have to make the hard choices, but it also means that I get to set the course of my own life.  I think the reason that I disliked this card for the longest time is that it made me afraid because every time I had tried to be the master of my fate, someone stepped in and told me that I was doing it wrong, that I didn't have the right skills, or that I needed to put other people first.

What I have learned over the course of the past few years is that when I put myself first, I am better able to make informed decisions.  If I am constantly putting other people first, there is nothing left for me and I end up being angry and resentful.  When I put myself first and take care of my own needs, I can better take care of others.

It is interesting to read the above because I really have made a turn around in how I treat myself.  I check my blood regularly and I track it.  My average has gone from a six month average of 209 to a one week average of 168.  It has been continually going down.  I've also been logging what I eat and while it is really painful some days to have to confess that I ate way too much crap, it also keeps me honest.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Daily Draw: Four of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Protecting parts of myself

Book:  Grasping and being insecure does not buy security, what would it take to find something that fulfilled you?

Guidance:  Look carefully at what you are clinging to and are you clinging in an unhealthy way?

Journaling

I know that most people view this card as negative, but I view it as a reminder to conserve my energy and protect what's mine.  This can and does raise the question as to whether I'm clinging to something that doesn't work for me?  Am I holding on to things that I should let go of?  There is also a case of fear and potentially hanging on to something that is not right for me.  These are questions I need to reflect on.  I know I'm ready to let go of John and Charlene.  And as an aside I'm very proud of myself for calling her Charlene and not honoring her by calling her mom.  That is huge for me.

December 25, 2018

For me, this has always been a card about protecting what is mine and it has always been more about emotional protection than about protecting wealth.  However, as I enter this year of vulnerability, I'm realizing that I need to open up and risk my heart getting broken.  That being said, I don't think that protecting my heart up until now was bad.  I think I needed to protect my heart because I was not strong enough and fierce enough to allow myself to be vulnerable.

I've learned that before I can be strong enough to be vulnerable and open myself up to love, I have to know that I am fierce and strong and courageous.  By knowing those things, I know that I am strong enough to protect myself if something goes wrong.  That is an amazing realization.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Ritual to Honor My Grandmother Babcock

My grandmother and I had a difficult relationship and if I'm really honest with myself, I acknowledge that she had a difficult relationship with most folks. As I get older and reflect on her life, I have realized that she had an undiagnosed mental illness and she probably coped the best she could.  She and my mother had a very sick and codependent relationship.  She gave away my mother's wedding gifts to her son (my mom's brother) because he got married around the same time and apparently needed them more, she gave my brother and I cheap junk from the dollar store for Christmas while my cousins got expensive gifts.  And she played games with money by rewriting her will to whoever was in favor.

I saw my mother chase after the cruel woman my entire life.  My grandmother would treat my mother like garbage, my mother would swear she was going to have nothing to do with her, and my grandmother would have a crisis and my mother would go running.  I grew up believing that no matter how bad you were treated, you had a duty and an obligation to take care of family.  It's no wonder that I grew up and became a codependent.

My grandmother was shuffled from nursing home to nursing home as her head games and violence caused her to be kicked out of multiple homes.  She finally ended up the same nursing home as my father and my poor mother struggled to take care of them both.  I said my goodbyes to her before she died more out of duty than any sense of love or loyalty.  When she died, I honestly felt relief more than grief.

It was only when my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar and started to exhibit questionable behavior that I began to wonder if my grandmother had had undiagnosed mental illness that caused her to behave cruelly to others.  I knew she had been trapped in an unhappy marriage and my emotions shifted from anger to more sympathy and I began to think about honoring her rather than dishonoring her.  I set about finding photos, a copy of her obituary, and anything else I could gather.  I also pulled the Queen of Pentacles from the Art Tarot deck, which quoted Mohammed, "Riches are not from an abundance of worldly goods, but from a contented mind."  And I said a quick prayer asking that she find contentment in the afterlife.

The next step was to write her a quick note thanking her for being a part of my life and as I wrote the words, I found that I truly meant them because I had learned lessons from having her in my life.

Dearest Grandmother,

Thank you for being part of my life.  I am sorry for all your struggles and I wish you would have had access to the treatments that Cam has access to.  I honor you for being part of my life.

I then lit a candle and asked for her guidance:

How do you feel about me?

She responded with the Ace of coins.  "You are successful and you make a lot of money and you're smart with your money.  You also don't use it as a weapon, but a tool."  She also told me that I did not need to buy affection.  This was an amazing read because my grandmother respected people with money and I appreciated the fact that she acknowledged I did not use it as a weapon.  The guidance that I did not need need to buy affection made me cry because I've spent a lot of time and money in my life placating people and trying to get them to love me because I never felt I was worthy of love.


What guidance can you give me?

She responded with the Page of Wands.  :/"Let go of the anger and cynicism and open your heart and let people in.  Accept that people are imperfect, but that does not mean they are untrustworthy, but that they are human."  This was more very sound advice and it mirrored the advice that my father gave me when I did an ancestor reading for him.



How can I learn from your life?

She responded with the Eight of Swords.  "Do not stay trapped by your own miserly.  I should have chosen to walk away.  Everyone would have been happier if I would have chosen to live life on my terms"  That was an amazingly telling statement as I knew my grandparents were unhappy, but I grew up sheltered and believing that divorce was not an option.  In a lot of ways this carried over into my own marriage and in some ways I became a clone of my grand and was so angry and hurt that I was hateful and mean to everyone.  The difference is that I was aware of my bad behavior and course corrected.

Overall, this was a very insightful reading and while I'm not sure whether it is realistic to think my grandmother has evolved that much in the 10 years she has been gone, the guidance was good and made sense to me so I will take it and reflect upon it.

Daily Draw: Hermit

First Impressions:  Silent, contemplative, listening to inner wisdom

Book:  Lighting the darkness and guide to others, lamp of wisdom, journey is more important than the destination

Guidance:  Answers may come from within yourself, meditate

Journaling

I love the Hermit card as it is a card of introspection and solitude.  It is a card of finding the answers within yourself.  I know I feel more complete this week than I have felt in the past and I'm ready to face what's next.  I feel complete as if parts of myself are truly home.  There are still some missing pieces, but I need to integrate these four pieces before I look for any more.

December 25, 2018

This card seems so fitting this year as I have felt myself change and shift as I've worked to let go of absolutes and to live more in the now and less in the past.  This exercise of going through my old journals and reviewing them has been immensely helpful as it has truly let me see where I have been.  I'm at a point in my life where I am really proud of who I am and of how hard I have worked to get here. 

I also love the reminder that this is about lighting the darkness as that is where I have been this solstice.  I've been all about the candles and the light and less about the flashy decorations.  I still love all my ornaments and those things are important to me, but I'm more about being in the light.

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Daily Draw: Seven of Swords

First Impressions:  Sneakiness, taking back what's mine

Book:  Unwise action, failing plain,new ideas, challenging old assumptions

Guidance:  Do not take credit for others ideas, do not procrastinate

Journaling:

This card to me is about soul theft.  I'm realizing as I reflect on my soul retrieval that my grandmother, John, and Charlene  all stole pieces of my soul.  My grandmother did it with her careless comment.  She took away a piece of me that needed to matter to other people.  She didn't believe I was worth loving and she didn't believe I was worth making a connection to.  I reality, I don't know if that is true.  Maybe it was just a stupid and thoughtless comment.  She never treated me as if I didn't matter and I have also received unconditional love from others who did believe I mattered.

=================

Letter from my grandma

Lora,

I'm so sorry.  I love you and would never want you to think otherwise.  You are amazing, strong, and courageous.  I didn't want your Mommy and Daddy to feel any pain if something happened to you, but that was wrong as the reality of it is that your Daddy was attached to you the moment he laid eyes o you.  You were going to be amazing.  He struggled to reconcile his feelings about women with his desire for you to succeed. That was hard for him.  He never did like John, but he respected your choices.  You are loved and you do matter.  I am so sorry for hurting you.

Love, Grandma

==================

Dearest Soul Part held captive by Charlene,

I am so sorry that I didn't realize that she had you.  I did not connect the anger and resentment I was feeling with her holding you and abusing you.  Everything she told you is lies.  Women are not second class citizens and it is not our job to give everything of ourselves in service to others.  We are allowed to have our own hopes and dreams. 

Charlene is a product of another day and time.  She is an ancestor and she does not speak for the way the world is.  I am so happy you are home and we will take care of you.  Thank you for being strong while she held you captive. 

Raine

=======================

Dearest Soul Part held captive by John,

I am so happy you are home and I am so sorry that I left you behind.  Everything that he told you is a lie.  I am not too big for my britches.  I am sexy, funny, and loving.  However it is hard to be any of those things when you are constantly being put down and abused.  You are safe in our home as bad behavior is not tolerated.  The rules of the house are that everyone is treated with respect and no one is put down.  We discuss disagreements respectfully.

Welcome home!  I am so glad you are here.

Raine,

=========================

Dearest Soul Part that was with X,

I am glad you are back and I'm sorry that I gave you away.  Thank you for the guidance to be myself and live my best life.  I just need to be patient and let life unfold.

Blessings, Raine

December 25, 2018

This soul retrieval was so amazing and I have grown and changed so much since it has happened.  I know that I am healing because I am letting go of the anger toward Charlene.  I know in my heart of hearts that she did not mean to hurt me and that makes it easier to forgive her and let go.  However, I also know that intention isn't all that mattered.  She did hurt me and she will continue to hurt me if I let her back into my life. 

I also know that I really need to let go of John and cut the cord completely.  There are days when I wish he will fall flat on his face and other days where I hope that he has a happy life and doesn't drag Sean down with him.  At this point, what I really want is just for him to not be in my life any more.

Friday, March 23, 2018

Daily Draw: Seven of Cups

First Impressions:  Choices, delusions

Book:  Visions of what might be

Guidance:  Do not tempted by delusions, do not deceive yourself, back up visions with work

Journaling

When I look at this card, I see all the things I could have, if only they were real.  I don't think my dreams are that big or that delusional, but what I want to manifest does not seem to big or grandiose.  Do affirmations every day and let go.  How it manifests is not your concern, just know that it will. 

Interesting, int he last week I've drawn the seven, eight, and nine of pentacles, but not in sequence.  Am I to put them in sequence?

December 25, 2018

This card, like all Tarot cards, can be complicated and can mean so many things.  It can mean that we are deluding ourselves, it can mean that we have choices to make, or it can mean that we are pulled between two many things.  The amazing thing about tarot cards, as I'm learning, is that you read them differently depending on where you are in your life and maybe that is what makes them so cool.  When I am in a good place, I read this as having choices and as there being a lot of amazing stuff in my future.  However, when I'm not in a good place, I read it as being delusional and beat myself up and tell myself I'm not worthy of anything.


Thursday, March 22, 2018

Daily Draw: Nine of Cups

First Impressions:  The wish card, inviting people who haven't showed up

Book:  Card of fulfilled wishes, things are yours for the taking

Guidance:  All that you want is yours

Journaling  

I don't like this card as it always makes me think of loneliness.   feel as if the person in the card is opening his heart and no one is saying yes.  Or maybe, that is just how I see the card because I feel as if I am opening myself to love and no one is coming or responding. 

When he did my soul retrieval, Keven picked up doubt trailing me around and I guess it's true.  I have a lot of doubt about how my life is going to turn out and whether I will ever have love.  It feels as if I never will and as if I will be alone forever.  I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me a guide me toward the love of my life.  Please help me find the one that is right for me.

Blessings,
Raine

December 25, 2018

It's interesting that I wrote this just nine months ago, but I feel as if I have been transformed.  I've realized that the very act of opening our hearts and welcoming people in is an act of love and kindness.  I think the problem is that I have such a binary mind (if I do this, then this has to happen), but the world is way more than binary.  I'm realizing that the act of opening my heart and loving is enough.  The world is not a quid pro quo world and that opening my heart is enough. 

I'm realizing that I need to live my life more like Clark and Wendy and less like Luke.  Luke was always hesitant and afraid that we didn't love him, even after he had been part of our life for 10 years.  Clark and Wendy, on the other hand, know that they are worthy of love despite the fact that before they came into our lives there was not much evidence of it.  They love with open hearts and that is the way I need to live my life.  I need to live my heart knowing that I am worthy of love and that if someone does not love me, that is on them and not on me.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Daily Draw: Queen of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Grounded, centered, stable

Book:  Holding all elements in balance, generous, open, warm and open person

Guidance:  Be practical, stay grounded, be patient and pragmatic, take care of yourself

Journaling

This card is a reminder to stay balanced and patient.  These are things that I'm often not good at.  I am impatient and I want tings when I want them.  I'm also feeling like I have been waiting for something to happen for eight years and I'm ready to move on and have love in my life. 

It feels as if I have made no progress in the past eight years.  However, I know that that is not true because I've become more loving and independent.  And when I do the work to stay grounded, I'm in a much better place. My problem is that sometimes, I don't remember to stay grounded and focused and I lose my peace of mind.

December 25, 2018

I am in such a place of peace lately and even when I find myself out there in the dumps, I'm much more able to pull myself back and remind myself that it is not all horrible.  Overall, life is pretty good.  I just need to remind myself to be balanced.  I've done a much better ob of that lately, but I  am still not perfect.  I guess that just like everyone else, I am a work in progress.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Tarot Blog Hop: Musical Guidance from the Cards




For this Blog Hop, our wrangler Jay Cassels, to "Unleash your inner Gleek and stand on the balcony and sing for forgiveness as you explore your relationship with Tarot and Music."




I decided the best way to unleash my Inner Gleek was to go to the cards and pull out the cards that reminded me of songs, arrange them into a journey of sorts, and ask the cards for guidance on each of the songs. I used the standard RWS deck as my guide for each question and the Golden Rider for guidance.


One of the most interesting things about this exercise was that for three of the songs, the song I was originally thinking of for each card turned out not to be the song that inspired my readings, the original song was simply a stepping stone to the song that had meaning and that I was meant to read on. As I googled lyrics, the songs that were meant to inspire me found their way onto my screen. I've included both the song I ended up reading on and the original song I'd chosen.



The Fool: Leap of Faith (Lionel Cartwright)
Original Song: Can't Stop Believing (Journey)
Question: How can I take a leap of faith?

The dashing Knight of Cups tells me that the time for protecting my heart is over. I need to open my heart and wear it on my sleeve. I need to be open to love and to the warmth it brings to me. I also need to be open to love coming in unexpected ways and through unexpected channels. The Knight of Cups also tells me that I might need to think about taking a quest to find the love I want instead of quietly waiting for it to come to me.

The Seven of Wands tells me to believe in myself and what I want out of life. This is not the time to slink of quietly into the night. It is the time to stand firm and believe that what I want will come to me. This is not a card about physical aggression or about looking for a fight, instead it is a card about believing in myself and knowing that I am worthy.

The Hermit tells me that all the knowledge I need is within my own soul.  I need to take time for myself and take time to listen to the wisdom of my heart.  I need to calm the chatter and to trust that my heart is wise and right.  I also need to be a beacon of hope for others in how I live my life.  However, this is not telling me to go out and seek students or actively live my life for others.  It is simply telling me that the way I live my life will inspire others.

All told, this was very good advice on how to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe will catch me.  I think the thing that we sometimes forget is that taking a leap of faith doesn't mean going into the wilderness unprepared, it means taking time to prepare and when you are ready taking a leap of faith.



Three of Hearts:  When the Broken Hearted Love Again (Danielle Bollinger)
Original Song:  You Give Love a Bad Name
Question:  How do I love Again?

The Ace of Wands lights the way to new love and reminds me that I am a child of divinity who is creative and inventive.  The Ace is telling me to focus on my own creativity and not worry too much about love.  I have set my intentions and prepared for the journey and done everything I could before taking the leap of faith.  Now I just need to live my life and know that good things will come to me.

The next two cards, the ten and nine of swords, would seem to be negative cards in this reading, but I'm realizing that they are not.  The Ten of Swords is telling me that my heart has been broken and that there will be no pain that will be worth than what I have endured.  I have survived this pain and I will survive any thing else that comes my way.  The Ten of Swords is also a reminder not to be a martyr, but to get up and be a survivor.  And the nightmare card, the Nine of Swords, says it is my own fears keeping me from loving again and not anything concrete.  The Nine is also reminding me that there is a certain element of faith to anything that happens in this world and that I need to let go and quit beating myself up.






Six of Swords:  Come Sail Away (Styx)

Original Song:  Leaving on a Jet Plane

Question:  What am I sailing toward?



The World tells me I'm sailing toward my own self completion and being content within my own skin.  I'm sailing toward liberation and letting go of the past.  This is critical for me right now as I'm coming out of a period of letting go of old lessons and hold hurts.  The World is a reminder that I am good enough and that I am complete and whole into myself.



The Queen of Pentacles is a reminder that I am loved and that the universe contains all that I need.  Even though my own mother did not provide me with the firm foundation I needed, the Queen of Pentacles and the Goddess herself will provide for me.  They will nurture me and love me and provide for my needs.  The Queen of Pentacles is all about security and about knowing that there are people in my life who are there for me.



The Knight of Pentacles tells me that I am sailing toward people who will be there and who are trustworthy.  I'm leaving behind people who are flaky and unreliable and moving toward a world with people who care about me and are there for me.  I am sailing toward reliability.



Three of Cups:  Celebrate (Kool and the Gang)
Original Song:   Celebrate (Kool and the Gang)
Question:  What do I have to celebrate in my life?


The Six of Swords tell me that I get to celebrate moving on and leaving my past behind.  I have worked hard to let go of the things and people that are holding me back and that is something I should definitely celebrate.  It has been a lot of hard work, but it is paying off and I am becoming the person I was meant to be.

Although the Seven of Pentacles would seem to be an odd card for a celebration, it is the celebration of the stillness and the ability and willingness to take a pause.  I am a recovering drama addict and even today there are times when my mind would rather be feasting on drama versus stillness.  The Seven of Pentacles reminds me of how far I have come and that I can relish peace and quiet.   Buying a house has really taught me patience as I've realized that I do not have the time and money to fix the entire house at once.  I have to be patient and do things as I have time and money.

Life has its ups and downs as the Wheel of Fortune reminds me.  Sometimes life is amazing and wonderful and other times it is not.  The WoF tells me that I should celebrate life in all its glory.  I need to be grateful for all the good things that come into my life.  The WoF also tells me that in the short term, good things are coming my way.





The Sun:  Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)
Original Song:  Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)
Question:  What are the lessons of the sun?

The Magician tells me that I have the power to manifest my own destiny.  All the tools that I need are at my finger tips, I just need to choose to utilize them.  The Magician also tells me that I am a channel for power and that I must respect that channel and not take it for granted.

The Eight of Wands is about taking action quickly and not about analysis by paralysis.  The Eight of Wands also tells me there is a possibility of a love connection with someone I know or with someone who is just coming into my life. 

The Three of Cups tells me to celebrate the goodness and wonder in life.  It is time to put aside the worry that is weighing me down and raise a cup to the goodness of life. I deserve to have happiness in my life and I deserve to know that I matter.  I know from experience that even though sometimes it seems that keeping our nose to the grindstone is the right course of action, taking time to celebrate can often feed our souls and make us that much more productive when we do go back to work.

Although I had my doubts when I first read this prompt as to whether or or not I could do it justice, my guides came through for me and guided me to a reading that made sense for me.


Use the links below to navigate to the previous blog, the master list, or the next blog.


Happy Hopping!

























Saturday, March 3, 2018

Shadow Work--Day 28

The departing message from my shadow is...


Dreamer Princess gives me the gift of telling and of sharing what I know with others.  She also is telling me that I do not need to be attached to whether or not they receive my message.  All I need to do is speak from the heart.  There is also a warning that I need to be straightforward with people and not use my gifts to manipulate.

Maker Four tells me to hold on to what is mine, but is also a precaution against being greedy.  I need to build my own stability, but also find a way to let others in and contribute to the greater world. 

Dancer Queen tells me to find and dance my own truth.  I need to let go of all the bullshit in my life, including the lies I was told as a child about my own worth.    I am brilliant, beautiful, and amazing and I am worthy of having friends and a lover.  Unlike the messages that I continually got told as a child, my life is about more than other people.  My life is my own and I get to choose who shares it and what I do for other people.


Shadow Work Day 27

What is the main thing I have learned about myself and relationships?


The Sun tells me that I am perfect just the way I am and that it is my right to bask in the warmth of the sun, of the love of people in my life, and in the love of the gods.  I am part of a larger community and I am perfect just the way I am no matter how imperfect that may seem.  The Sun is also telling me that it is time to leave behind all the things that are keeping me from enjoying my life and that it is time to step forward into freedom.

Dancer Prince tells me that passion is my birth right.  I deserve love and passion in my life.  However, he also cautions me against losing myself in passion and going over to the dark side.  I need to keep my perspective in all things.

Warrior Three tells me that I am not alone.  I am surrounded by people who are ready to step forward and help me, if only I ask for help.  I do not have to go it alone, but can be part of a team moving forward in life and love.  From a romantic perspective, this card tells me that I need to tell the gods what I want and be sincere in asking for it.

Shadow Work--Day 26

Going forward what does my attitude on relationships need to be?


Maker Ten tells me that I create my own stability and that I need to own that.  If I have a poverty consciousness around relationships or finances, then that is what I will create.  Just as I have created wealth around material things, I can also choose to create wealth around relationships by having an open heart and being loving.  One of the key things about creating emotional wealth is knowing that I am worthy of having friends and relationships.  I am not some hideous monster to be hidden in the corner, which is what I sometimes thing.  I deserve love and friendship.

Dreamer Six is about taking a journey and choosing what to take with me and what to leave behind.  I can choose to drag around all the drama from my childhood or I can choose to learn the lessons from my childhood and take those lessons with me and leave behind the pain and the bullshit.  There is nothing to be served by dragging the pain and drama with me.

Dancer Nine tells me that my relationships and my life will be what I dream into being.  I can choose to hide under the covers in fear or I can choose to dream a beautiful and amazing life for myself.  This card is also about opening my heart and inviting people in.

The bottom line from this reading is that I can choose what my relationships look like.



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