First Impressions: Master of his domain, rigid
Book: Domination of mind over heart is sometimes necessary, now is a time you should find it easier to make choices
Guidance: Enjoy the assertiveness and confidence that self control and confidence brings
I like the message of this card. I have ot been feeling like the master of my domain lately. I've been beating myself up and noticing every single screw up. I'm also in that fearful place I fought so hard to get out of. I'm feeling like I'm an idiot and as if nothing I say or do matters. I think I'm feeling like I felt about my mother. She always had to interject herself even if she had no clue what she was talking about. The thing is that I am not that person. I do know what I'm talking about and I do have the credentials to back it up. I do matter and I am part of the team.
I"m also feeling like I don't matter in my personal life. I feel like a drudge. It's interesting in reading the JD Robb book, the used the term fader to describe someone who fades into the background. I feel like that a lot. I feel as if no one cares about me. The thing is that before anyone else can care about me,I need to care about me and I don't do a good job of showing I care about me.
Iagree with my choice to not take drugs, but I don't even check my blood on a regular basis. I don't get exercise and I do way too much sugar. Why would anyone else care about me when I don't even do the basics of self care? I need to spend some time this weekend meditating and truly thinking about whether I want to live or die. And if I want to live I need to start taking care of myself. I also need to really look at who I am and what I want out of life and where I'm going.
I don't like living my life in a way that makes it all about others. I want a life where I matter.
December 25, 2018
This is a card I'm learning to embrace in my own life. Being the Emperor means that I have to make the hard choices, but it also means that I get to set the course of my own life. I think the reason that I disliked this card for the longest time is that it made me afraid because every time I had tried to be the master of my fate, someone stepped in and told me that I was doing it wrong, that I didn't have the right skills, or that I needed to put other people first.
What I have learned over the course of the past few years is that when I put myself first, I am better able to make informed decisions. If I am constantly putting other people first, there is nothing left for me and I end up being angry and resentful. When I put myself first and take care of my own needs, I can better take care of others.
It is interesting to read the above because I really have made a turn around in how I treat myself. I check my blood regularly and I track it. My average has gone from a six month average of 209 to a one week average of 168. It has been continually going down. I've also been logging what I eat and while it is really painful some days to have to confess that I ate way too much crap, it also keeps me honest.
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