Thursday, March 22, 2018
Daily Draw: Nine of Cups
Book: Card of fulfilled wishes, things are yours for the taking
Guidance: All that you want is yours
I don't like this card as it always makes me think of loneliness. feel as if the person in the card is opening his heart and no one is saying yes. Or maybe, that is just how I see the card because I feel as if I am opening myself to love and no one is coming or responding.
When he did my soul retrieval, Keven picked up doubt trailing me around and I guess it's true. I have a lot of doubt about how my life is going to turn out and whether I will ever have love. It feels as if I never will and as if I will be alone forever. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do.
Please help me a guide me toward the love of my life. Please help me find the one that is right for me.
December 25, 2018
It's interesting that I wrote this just nine months ago, but I feel as if I have been transformed. I've realized that the very act of opening our hearts and welcoming people in is an act of love and kindness. I think the problem is that I have such a binary mind (if I do this, then this has to happen), but the world is way more than binary. I'm realizing that the act of opening my heart and loving is enough. The world is not a quid pro quo world and that opening my heart is enough.
I'm realizing that I need to live my life more like Clark and Wendy and less like Luke. Luke was always hesitant and afraid that we didn't love him, even after he had been part of our life for 10 years. Clark and Wendy, on the other hand, know that they are worthy of love despite the fact that before they came into our lives there was not much evidence of it. They love with open hearts and that is the way I need to live my life. I need to live my heart knowing that I am worthy of love and that if someone does not love me, that is on them and not on me.
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