Saturday, March 24, 2018
Daily Draw: Seven of Swords
Book: Unwise action, failing plain,new ideas, challenging old assumptions
Guidance: Do not take credit for others ideas, do not procrastinate
This card to me is about soul theft. I'm realizing as I reflect on my soul retrieval that my grandmother, John, and Charlene all stole pieces of my soul. My grandmother did it with her careless comment. She took away a piece of me that needed to matter to other people. She didn't believe I was worth loving and she didn't believe I was worth making a connection to. I reality, I don't know if that is true. Maybe it was just a stupid and thoughtless comment. She never treated me as if I didn't matter and I have also received unconditional love from others who did believe I mattered.
Letter from my grandma
I'm so sorry. I love you and would never want you to think otherwise. You are amazing, strong, and courageous. I didn't want your Mommy and Daddy to feel any pain if something happened to you, but that was wrong as the reality of it is that your Daddy was attached to you the moment he laid eyes o you. You were going to be amazing. He struggled to reconcile his feelings about women with his desire for you to succeed. That was hard for him. He never did like John, but he respected your choices. You are loved and you do matter. I am so sorry for hurting you.
Dearest Soul Part held captive by Charlene,
I am so sorry that I didn't realize that she had you. I did not connect the anger and resentment I was feeling with her holding you and abusing you. Everything she told you is lies. Women are not second class citizens and it is not our job to give everything of ourselves in service to others. We are allowed to have our own hopes and dreams.
Charlene is a product of another day and time. She is an ancestor and she does not speak for the way the world is. I am so happy you are home and we will take care of you. Thank you for being strong while she held you captive.
Dearest Soul Part held captive by John,
I am so happy you are home and I am so sorry that I left you behind. Everything that he told you is a lie. I am not too big for my britches. I am sexy, funny, and loving. However it is hard to be any of those things when you are constantly being put down and abused. You are safe in our home as bad behavior is not tolerated. The rules of the house are that everyone is treated with respect and no one is put down. We discuss disagreements respectfully.
Welcome home! I am so glad you are here.
Dearest Soul Part that was with X,
I am glad you are back and I'm sorry that I gave you away. Thank you for the guidance to be myself and live my best life. I just need to be patient and let life unfold.
December 25, 2018
This soul retrieval was so amazing and I have grown and changed so much since it has happened. I know that I am healing because I am letting go of the anger toward Charlene. I know in my heart of hearts that she did not mean to hurt me and that makes it easier to forgive her and let go. However, I also know that intention isn't all that mattered. She did hurt me and she will continue to hurt me if I let her back into my life.
I also know that I really need to let go of John and cut the cord completely. There are days when I wish he will fall flat on his face and other days where I hope that he has a happy life and doesn't drag Sean down with him. At this point, what I really want is just for him to not be in my life any more.
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