Friday, March 30, 2018
Daily Draw: Ten of Pentacles
Book: Wisdom accumulated from families, passing on wisdom
Guidance: Listen to what ancestors have to say
Sometimes I am so jealous of people who have big families as it means having people you can rely on in your life and I don't really have anyone I can rely on. STOP! I am done with that message that the line of thinking that keeps me not trusting anyone and keeps me locked in a solitary prison of my own creation. There are people who will support me and care for me. I just have to put down my shields and let people in. I have to trust. Part of my being able to trust is keeping myself focused on the page. I do so much better when I am kamikazi personal growth mode because I am continuing to batter down the doors. It is when I stop journaling and stop making time for me that I struggle. Big groups are difficult for me because I struggle when I do not get enough time alone. I just need to focus on the things that help me grow.
December 25, 2018
It's funny because I was thinking about the topic of having a kamikazi approach to life this week and I realized that it is not just my personal growth that I take that approach to, it is everything. And I cannot do that with everything in my life or I burn myself out. I've realized that I need to find the balance that is right for me in life. For me, that is about 75 percent time alone to do my own thing and about 25 percent of the time with people. Any more people time than that and I am unhappy and cranky. I also know that for me one on one time or small groups works better than big groups. I feel lost in big groups.
I think the bottom line is that I need an approach that works for me. When I try an approach that works for others, it might not work for me.
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