Thursday, May 30, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Six of Wands

First Impressions:  Triumphant, accolades

Book:  Arrival of good news, mark a moment of glory, self confidence forged the path for victory, achievements honored by others

Guidance:  Enjoy your time in the limelight for what its worth, but know that glory fades

Journaling

This is another card that I've had a love and hate relationship as on the one hand it strikes me as self promotion and ego, but what I have come to realize over the years is that there is a difference between self confidence and ego.  Self confidence says that I am good at what I know and I know it and ego says I am better than you and I know it.  Self confidence leaves room for others to be good at what they do as well, while ego means that there is only enough room for one person to get the glory.  John (my ex) always used to say I was constantly in competition with him and had to be the best.  I always denied it, but looking back I realize that it was true.  I did have to be the best with him because he was always trying to bring me down a notch.  He even admitted as such in the horrible days after he'd announced he wanted a divorce but before he moved out.  I've thought about that a lot and I've realized that in his mind there was only good and bad, there was no room for both of us to be good at something.  He always had to compete with me and if I wanted to write, he wanted to write as well and be better than me.

I've realized in the days since my divorce that there is room at the top for everyone and that there doesn't always have to be a best.  Sometimes one person is good at one thing and someone else is good at something else and they compliment each other.  I've also finally come to realize that I do have something to offer the world and that I don't have to sacrifice myself to be good at what I do.  There are a lot of people who think I've done the impossible at itelligence by actually starting an OCM practice that is starting to be successful.  I don't know if I'm the only person who could have been successful at starting an OCM practice at this very stubborn and hard to change company, but I do know that it required grit and tenancity and those are things I've always had in spades.

Another thing that I've realized from reflecting on the six of wands, is that it is okay to let other people build you up.  I've always thought that the only way to get self worth was to have innate self worth, but I've realized that sometimes hearing the praise of others can help you build your own self confidence.  Looking back and reflecting on my life, that makes sense because I let other people (namely John and Charlene (the person who gave birth to me)) erode my self confidence, so why wouldn't it make sense that other people could help build me up and help me have self confidence?

Exercise

Take some time to reflect upon your awesomeness.

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