Sunday, June 30, 2019

Deliberate Draw: The Emperor

First Impressions:  Oversight

Book:  Bringing structure to the world of the Empress, protectiveness, productivity, enterprise, force that organizes and rules

Guidance:  Look at your relationship with authority, be honest with yourself, assert yourself, set boundaries

Journaling

I do need to take a look at my relationship with authority because it is not a balanced relationship.  I either get so intimidated by people who are in a position of authority that I turn into a sniveling baby or I adapt my "F* the man" mentality and deliberately go out of the way to provoke authority figures.  I think this has to do with the bad cops that I saw in my childhood, the ones who were abusive, and took advantage of people because of the power that they had.  I am always somewhat leery about people who seek out power because I believe it makes them narcissistic or power hungry.  However, I also know that leaders are necessary because they can provide structure and guidance.

My poor relationship with authority also stems from my childhood and my relationship with my father.  I love my father and he was an amazing influence in my life, but he also had a very misogynistic view of women and thought that women should take a backseat to men because "men had to have the good jobs to support their families."  I was so angry when I told him that a woman was going to become a director at work and he spouted that crap to me.  And at the time I was the primary breadwinner in my family.  I felt that it was incredibly insulting to be told that I shouldn't go after a high powered job because a man needed it more.  This also went against my personal credo about work and that work is a business relationship and not a charity.  Jobs should go to the best qualified and personal need should have no part in making a decision about who gets the job.

This card is also about being honest with myself and what I am and am not capable of.  Historically, I've been a good leader, but not a good manager because I'm good at inspiring people and helping people rally behind a vision, but I haven't been a good manager because I don't like doing the course corrections.  However, when I take a step back and start to view management as helping people to be their best and helping provide them skills to succeed, I believe that I can be a good manager.  I believe the emperor is both a good manager and a good leader as he has the skills to inspire people,but can also set boundaries.

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