Thursday, June 20, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Four of Cups

First Impressions:  Not recognizing the bounty around you and the gifts you're being given

Book:  Emotionally cut off from the world, sometimes feel trapped within the misery of unrealistic expectations, feeling lonely because nothing is working out

Guidance:  Raise your head and commit to self empowerment, look on the bright side

Journaling

I usually look at the four of cups as a card of saying no to things we don't want, but I love this card because it is about being so focused on being miserable that we don't pay attention to the gifts and the bounty that are there for us.  Looking at this card, I realize that this is how I am when I am disconnected and feeling like no one cares about me.  I have come to realize since getting acupuncture and letting go of so much junk, that when I am feeling disconnected is it about my having disconnected from them having disconnected from me.  They are always there to guide and advise me, but sometimes I feel like I don't matter anymore and I shut myself off from my guides and the world.

There have been a lot of days lately where I have been so tired and exhausted that I've felt sorry for myself even though I am truly blessed in my life.  I have a good job, I've purchased a home, I have people who love me and respect me in my life.  It's true there are things that I don't have and things that could be better, but overall my life is pretty damn good.  However, instead of celebrating those blessings, I focus on the things that are wrong with my life or that aren't going perfectly.

I've also been focusing way too much on the fact that John is getting welfare even when he probably doesn't deserve it.  It really is not fair that he gets to sit on his ass and do nothing while I bust my butt and work hard for everything that I have.  However, dwelling on the situation will not change it and I need to let go.  Loving Kindness meditations help.  I also think I need to consciously say thank you (out loud) for all the gifts in my life instead of focusing on what I don't have.

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