Thursday, June 27, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Sage of Wands

First Impressions:  Wisdom, lit from the sun, forward motion

Book:  Creative visions, loving a challenge and opportunity to strategize, only comfortable when he's in charge, intolerant of weakness in himself and others,

Guidance:  Call upon the leader in yourself

Journaling

This is an incredibly interesting card as it speaks to me on so many levels.  I do love to be creative and figure out how to take an idea from a spark to fruition.  That's incredibly fun for me as I love the creativity involved in figuring out the angles, overcoming obstacles, etc.  I think that's the real reason I want to stay at my current job as there is something immensely satisfying in doing something that no one thought could be done and doing it well.  It feed my ego so much to have people tell me that I'm actually making it work.  I also get personal satisfaction out of it as well, especially since I am really starting to see results.  It's interesting because when I met with Cindy she said she was a builder and that applies to me as well.  I love the leadership aspects of building something amazing, but I'm not so good at managing things and having to deal with employees.

It is the other piece of this where I fall down and that's only being comfortable when I'm in charge.  This doesn't exhibit itself as not taking orders from my boss, but it does come into play when I end up having subordinates as I want to micromanage them and I am convinced that they will screw it up and I will have to fix it.  However, when I take a step back and am kind to myself and look at things realistically instead of focusing on my flaws, I realize that in a lot of ways my behavior is completely understandable because the people I have had as subordinates have not really been up to the task.  I had people trying to do quick reference guides who had no idea how to do the transactions.  I also had people who didn't care.  I hadn't actually hired any of these people so it makes sense that it didn't work.  I can do a good job of mentoring and giving good direction when I have the right people working for me.

I have also learned that just because I think something critical doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that I'm mean.  It is okay to have those thoughts as long as you stifle them and what comes out of my mouth is helpful.  I'm learning to do that with people at work as there are times I just want to say "What an idiot!"  However, I've learned to stop, redirect, and come up with something helpful.  There is too much meanness in the world, there is no reason that I need to contribute to it.

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