Saturday, July 20, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Nine of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Contentment, moment of respite

Book:  Successful and productive life is something to bask in, The ability to love and appreciate oneself is the ultimate success

Guidance:  Learn to be content with our own company, know our own worth, take care of yourself

Journaling

The nine of pentacles is a card I've had a difficult relationship as I've traditionally viewed it as a girl in a gilded cage.  She has all the treasures of the world available to her, but she's all alone except for her bird.  She has always struck me as very sad and lonely.  However, the World Spirit version of the Nine of Cups shows a woman who looks peaceful, content, and satisfied with her world.  Unlike other versions where she seems melancholy and as if she is truly all alone, I could easily imagine the woman from the nine of cups taking a respite from a happy dinner party or after getting the kids to bed.  She strikes me as a woman who has a full and complete life.

After a long and rough road, I finally feel like this is where I'm at in my life.  I'm in a place where I'm happy and content.  I have a beautiful home, I have a job where I'm respected and have a lot of autonomy.  Life at home is peaceful as we all work hard to get along and I'm not constantly worried about saying the wrong thing and pissing off a narcissist.  I can also be my amazing and wonderful self and I don't have to hide my amazing self from someone who doesn't appreciate me and who always treated me like a second class citizen.  That's a pretty amazing feeling.

And what is more amazing is that I recognize and appreciate how awesome I am and I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore.  I spent my entire marriage to John feeling as if I needed to be ashamed of who I was and if I had nothing left to offer the world except what I could do for others.  Now, I know that I am a pretty awesome person.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for hanging out with Cam
I'm grateful for having lunch with the kids
I'm grateful for sleeping in my own bed
I'm grateful for getting the brown rug out of the hosue
I'm grateful for cuddling with Wendy
I'm grateful fo a job that keeps me employed

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