Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Two of Wands

First Impressions:  Visionary, Fireworks, Following the star

Book:  First step toward your desire, standing at the door contemplating my future

Guidance:  Have confidence in yourself, do not doubt the light bulb going off in your head

Journaling

I needed to see this card today and be reminded that my future is there and that I need to trust the messages I'm getting.  The message I'm getting very clearly is that my future is changing the future of healthcare and figuring out how to combine the work I currently do, OCM,with my passion for spirituality, culture, and really making a difference.  I can see the path laid out in front of me at a high level, but figuring out the tactical steps of how to get there is a little bit maddening.  I know, I know, I just need to take one step at a time.  I need to get my masters while working on my PhD proposal, then figure out how to make it work.

The problem is that slogging through the shit is horrible.  I'm struggling at work right now because the consultants on my current project are total jackasses.  They act as if they know everything and if it is their role to be project managers.  However, I have faith that it will all work out in the end.  I just need to stand back and let things play out.  I also have to remind myself that everything I am doing and learning is leading me to where I am meant to be.  And part of that learning is about how to deal with people who have no faith and don't listen to me.  I'm sure that when I go into a medical setting, I will have people who doubt my abilities and act as if I don't have a brain in my head.  Oh wait, that's pretty much every doctor I've ever encountered.

Of course, after I write that the question I'm asking is why do I set myself up to do the hard stuff?  Why can't my path be easy?  I guess the answer to that is that no one who changes the world has an easy path.  I'm reading about the Buddha right now (and no I'm not comparing myself to the Buddha) and his path was not easy either.  He deliberately chose to leave wealth and privilege to experience the suffering of life.  However, as i write that, I wonder if he was trying to change the world or trying to change himself and those are two different things.  Maybe enlightenment is doing the hard things and letting go of the suffering.

Gratitudes

Being in synch with the team
Talking to Blaze
Finishing the SAP Info Session
Yummy fruit for dinner
Hanging with the team tonight

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