Monday, August 19, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Knight of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Earthly, blossoms in the field, creating

Book:  Turning ideas into reality, visionary

Guidance: Use your drive to create

Journaling

I was afraid I was going to get bogged down in emotional stuff today or not get anything done because of constant emails, etc.  However, I kicked ass  and took names today as I worked through a proposal, got an SOW reviewed, and did a lot of other work.  I also made some time to work on school work.  Most importantly, Cindy and I are collaborating on a proposal to do research to study the best way to roll out Cultural / Spiritual Competency assessments.  This is something that Templeton actually is interested in so we might actually get a grant.

One of the things I've had to relearn lately is that when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I default to old coping mechanisms that aren't healthy for me or for anyone in  my life.  My emotions have been all over the place because I've been struggling with feeling guilt and anger over Cam getting assaulted.  I know a lot of it is because I feel totally out of control and as if there is nothing that I can do about it.  All I can do is pray that things will work and that is annoying me and pissing me off because I want to control the outcome.  I don't trust the court system and having to trust them is annoying and makes me angry.

However, I also know that when I let myself get all swirly over what I think the outcomes are going to be, I cause myself problems and unnecessary angst.  I was all swirly over my conversation with Ted tonight and it turned out to be a good conversation.  Now whether or not anything comes of it, I don't know.  I may still have to report to Jamie, but at least I've had my case heard and been listened to.  That's something.



Gratitudes
I'm grateful I got the proposal for OV done
I'm grateful for the good call with Joe
I'm grateful for the great conversation with Ted
I'm grateful for feeling supported
I'm grateful for Rising Appalachia
I'm grateful for the amazing watermelon

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