Monday, August 5, 2019

Deliberate Draw: The Lovers

First Impressions: Entwined, enmeshed, oblivious to the world around them

Book:  Union, harmony with others and within ourselves

Guidance:  Be deliberate in your choices, give of yourself without losing yourself

Journaling

And that is the quintessential question, how to give of yourself without losing yourself.  I believe that is the reason that I'm terrified of falling in love again as I don't know if I can give of myself without losing myself and I have fought so hard to find myself and to define myself that I'm terrified of losing myself again.  The last week has brought some deep revelations into my life and I feel as if I'm another step closer to being truly myself.  What I'm finding is that one of the ultimate questions in my life surrounding love is being open to loving myself.  I feel as if I've spent most of my life focused on my flaws instead of my attributes.  I've also always been way too willing to put myself down and allow myself to take a backseat to other people in my life.

It has only been recently that I've started to view myself as a valuable person with something to offer the world and as someone who deserves to live a good life.  Most of my life I've bought into the belief that I was somehow not deserving of the good stuff in life and that I should be grateful for the scraps I received.  However, my thinking has changed lately and I realize that I do deserve a seat at the table and that I should not be grateful for scraps. 

Finding this unity and self acceptance has really helped me to truly love myself and maybe at the heart of it, that's what this card is about, being able to love the disparate parts of ourselves.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful I got back to my hotel at a reasonable hour
I'm grateful for the pictures of Wendy
I'm grateful for a good night's sleep
I'm grateful for getting my work done

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