Friday, August 16, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Seven of Wands

First Impressions:  Fierce, defending what's yours

Book:  Marching to defend their land

Guidance:  Stand up for what you believe in

Journaling

It felt like a day that I needed to defend what was mine.  I feel my vacation slipping through my fingers and there is a part of me that feels as if I will never truly have time for myself as everyone comes and keeps taking bits and pieces of my time.  It seems as if there is no way to defend my time as people keep taking bits and pieces of it and every bit of time that gets eroded seems to leave me a little bit less for me.  I worked really hard to make this week my week and to not get sucked into work, but people kept reaching out and asking for things.  The final straw for me was when Ted asked if we could meet on Saturday.  That felt like an incredible violation because I have very little time for myself and to have someone want to take that little bit of time away from me was pretty upsetting.

I was proud of myself for saying no and for being honest about how I felt.  It was really hard to be honest and to say that I felt ganged up on and disrespected, but I did.  I think part of the reason that I was able to do that is that I didn't really care if I lost my job.  I was so tired of all of it that it would have almost have been a relief to get fired.  I'm so tired trying to do all the work that keeps piling up and trying to juggle everything.  It seems like the only way I could get it all done is to work all night, but I refuse to do that because there are a lot of other things that are more important to me.

I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that I have to continue to defend my boundaries because if I don't defend them, no one else will.


Gratitudes

I'm grateful we got home safely
I'm grateful for the beautiful drive through the mountains
I'm grateful that Charmin was happy to get the flowers
I'm grateful that I stood up for myself
I'm grateful for the hugs on the way out the door
I'm grateful for Cam keeping me awake

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