Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Ten of Cups

First Impressions:  Happiness, raising a toast

Book: Celebrating

Guidance: Emotional contentment, a card of appreciation and gratitude

Journaling

I chose this card because it was so nice to have dinner with Scott and to just hang out and talk about all that is going on in life.  It's nice to have people in my life who understand me and who get why I behave the way I do.  We talked a lot about why I'm upset and he asked me a very deep question when he asked me why I thought there was going to be a bad outcome.  I said that the Brock Turner case was on my mind and that I was upset because I was being asked to trust 12 people to make a decision.  However, he reminded me that there was a possibility that it could go well.

At the end of the day, a lot of what I'm feeling is powerlessness and it's not something that I'm comfortable with.  I don't like to not be in control and there are a lot of areas in my life where I am in control and where I get to drive what happens.  However, there are also situations where I have to trust others and those situations make me very uncomfortable.  When I'm put in a position of being asked to trust someone, I get upset and I get defensive, angry, afraid, etc.  I start lashing out at even the people who want to help me because I am afraid.  However, when I finally start hurting enough or when I have a moment of clarity, I remember that I don't have to trust everyone.  I have to trust my guides.  I have to turn it over to them and trust them to do the right thing.  Once I do that it is as if all the anger is out of me and I've deflated.  Then I can be filled back up with good things.

What's interesting about this is that Scott pulled the seven of pentacles in the Vision Quest which is a card of depletion and not a card of waiting or harvest.  Interestingly, I didn't think of it at the time but depletion is what I feel when I let all that anger and stress go.  I feel as if all the negativity has escaped out of me and I feel like I am depleted, but in a good way.  He also pulled the Shaman card and that is a card of power.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful for the good conversation with Darshan and his decision
I'm grateful for dinner with Scott
I'm grateful for leaving work on time
I'm grateful for staying at a different hotel than the team
I'm grateful for yummy Spanglish
I'm grateful for the beautiful weather
I'm grateful for fresh fruit
I'm grateful to have money in the bank

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