Monday, September 16, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Emperor

First Impressions:  Standing the test of time

Book:  Father bringing structure and guidance, confidence, leadership

Guidance:  Cared of empowerment, share our skills to lead others to their own achievements

Journaling

I chose this card because I needed strong structural energy today.  This card is about being the architect of our own lives, being confident, being visionary, and owning our lives.    I feel like I am finally able to do that and to own my life.  I'm comfortable being alone and I'm comfortable being responsible for my life.  I no longer feel like I'm less than and that I need to rely on someone else to be a whole person.  The interesting thing is that I feel it in my whole being as I even walk more confidently than I did in the past.  I stand taller and I stride more confidently.  Coming into your own life is an interesting thing as it is about owning your life.  Owning the good stuff and the bad stuff.  There are things in my life that I don't want to own like sometimes being petty or othering people, but what I have found is that by being able to own the bad stuff, I'm able to take steps to change it. 

As I read that, I realize that this goes back to the 3As in Al-Anon:  Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.  First I become aware of a situation and its negative impacts.  This can come from someone pointing something out or my becoming aware myself of a situation.  The next piece is acceptance and that means accepting my part of the situation and being objective about it.  Acceptance is not about beating myself up or bemoaning my fate, it is about looking at things from a factual perspective and about what I did or did not do to contribute to the situation.  The next step is action, which is figuring what I can do to change the situation, make amends, or learn from for the next time a similar situation arises.  The most uncomfortable part for me of the 3As is acceptance and having to look at my own contribution to situations. 

Applying the 3As and taking ownership of your life means not playing the victim and accepting that even if there are things that are outside of your control, you are still responsible for your response to the situation.  That's another lesson from Al-Anon, learning to respond instead of react.  Responding means taking my time and developing a thoughtful response instead of shooting from the hip.  For me, the process of learning to respond unfortunately can mean working through anger, frustration, and other difficult emotions and I don't always work through those in the prettiest of ways, but I am getting better about it.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful that we have power
I'm grateful for the support I got from John and Vince
I'm grateful for the yummy dinner with Sean
I'm grateful that my meetings were over soon
I'm grateful for the good conversation about my PhD
I'm grateful for Ace of Cups
I'm grateful I got to sleep vertically on my bed
I'm grateful Cam is okay

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