Sunday, September 29, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Fool

Note:  Yesterday, today, and the next three days will include musing on both the Tarot de St. Croix and the Dark Goddess Tarot because I'm pondering the questions asked by the Goddess of the Month, Tiamet.  I was not happy with the cards I pulled and I'm working to sort things through.


Tarot de St. Croix
Dark Goddess Question:  Why is this being sacrificed?

First Impressions:  Laughter, at ease

Book:   Having no idea of where the journey is taking us

Dark Goddess Book:  Dare to come back to where you began

Guidance:  Look beyond our fears to see what is really being sacrificed, trust the journey




Dark Goddess Guidance:  Enter into a new opportunity with trust, but not blindness, allow knowledge to arise in unexpected ways, release expectation and judgement, release shame

Journaling:

Wow!  Once I was able to get past my own fears and read the two of cups as letting go of the walls I've built, this card makes so much sense as it is about letting go of the fears and boundaries that are holding me back.  It is about stepping into the abyss and trusting that I will have what I need.  However, what I love about the reading is that the guidance is to enter into the new opportunity with trust, but not blindness.  This makes sense as it means I'm supposed to trust that I will be taken care of, but I can't be stupid about it and I need to use my head as well as my heart to make decisions.  I love that this card also talks about releasing shame because a lot of what is holding me back is shame.  I was raised to believe that I was not good enough and I have carried that burden deep within my psyche.  However, as I continue to grow and blossom I'm slowly eradicating that message from my life and there are days when it feels like I am a machete to chop through the undergrowth to get to the beautiful me that lies underneath. 

Sheela Na Gig reminds me to "Release the judgement from others that you have turned and heaped upon yourself."  I needed this because as I was reflecting on this card, I got a letter from my mother from whom I've been estranged for almost 10 years because she is a judgmental bitch who always makes me feel bad about myself.  The last time she reached out was on my 50th birthday 3 years ago when she responded to a public post on Facebook with a completely inappropriate comment.  Then she tried to guilt trip me into talking to her and never acknowledged anything she had done.  I sent her a letter and explained why I wasn't talking to her and received nothing in response.  And this letter was more of the same as it was all about her.  There was no expression of remorse and no true apology.  This reminder from Sheela Na Gig means I will not respond and will continue to maintain my boundaries; however, the more important reminder is to know when to cover my heart and when to let my swords fall by my side.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for sleeping late
I'm grateful for having time to think and dream
I'm grateful for the work Cam did in getting the Wendy/Clark room cleaned up
I'm grateful for hanging out at home
I'm grateful for the yummy Jambalya
I'm grateful for my home

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