Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Justice

First Impressions:  Seeing justice

Book:  Wisdom and balance, need to think about the consequences of our actions

Guidance:  Carefully weigh the outcomes to make sure you achieve balance before acting


This is an interesting card for me right now because I feel like my life is all tangled up in the justice system and that my family's happiness depends upon what 12 random people decide about a random person who choose to hurt my daughter.  When I put it that way, it seems ridiculous that I would give those 12 random people so much power over my happiness, but my random brain and my emotions are not always connected and there is a part of me deep down inside that doesn't believe in trusting justice.  At the heart of all of this is a lack of trust as it is so difficult for me to trust anyone even people who have proven themselves over and over to be trustworthy.

My fear / distrust of the justice system is also driven by the fact that when I was in high school and hit by a truck, the justice system refused to award me just compensation.  The insurance company was allowed to not pay out and when we went to court, we did not receive just compensation.  I believe that lies at my fear of the justice system, the belief that for some reason justice will not prevail.  That is an interesting and odd way to look at things, but I think that is at the heart of a lot of what I'm feeling.  I feel as if the justice system proved itself untrustworthy once so why should I trust it again.  Even though my brain knows that this is a completely different situation, my heart still thinks that justice is messed up.  I think the only thing that is going to help is time and patience and repeatedly letting go of my fears.

I'm grateful that Scott told me what OV said
I'm grateful for the good call with Doty
I'm grateful for the good conversation with John
I'm grateful that I got a good night's sleep
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy

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