Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Nine of Swords

First Impressions:  Nightmare, being kept up at nights

Book:  Truth will come with morning

Guidance:  Most of our fears are illusions.  Time will bring clarity

Journaling

This is an interesting card for me because I do a good job of getting myself swirly about what I think is going to happen, then I waste a lot of time worrying which makes my life more difficult.  Then most of the time the thing I was worried about doesn't even happen.  I was annoyed and pissed off about the thought of having to go to Nidec, then St. Louis.  Well my trip to St. Louis got postponed so I will actually get some time at home.  That has happened to me so many times lately where I have worried and agonized over something that did not come to fruition. 

One of the things that I need to remind myself to do is to take a deep breath when I start to get swirly.  Most of the things that I worry about don't end up happening.  And even if they did end up happening, most of them are manageable anyway.  And sometimes when I do drop a ball, that's okay as most of the balls I drop are not the end of the world.  Most of them are things that don't even matter.  I do keep my eyes on the big balls and the ones that matter and I work hard not to drop those balls.

One of the reasons that I'm so swirly right now is that my biggest nightmare is being stuck in this job.  I'm tired of traveling and it is taking a huge toll on my life.  It is hard to form relationships, I feel trapped, etc. etc.  However, if that is the message that I'm putting out there, it's no wonder that I'm miserable.  I need to start asking for what I want instead of bitching about what I don't have.  Once Cam's trial is over, I am going to start doing some major job magic.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for the good sessions
I'm grateful for the beautiful weather out
I'm grateful for watching NCIS
I'm grateful that I'm employed
I'm grateful that I have peace and quiet
I'm grateful for making decisions that are in my best interests
I'm grateful that Cam is okay

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