Thursday, September 12, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Queen of Swords

First Impressions: Going into battle, shields up

Book:  Warrior for truth and justice, bravery

Guidance:  Make decisions with clarity and focus

Journaling

One of the lessons I've learned over the past 30 years is that being a parent is truly being a warrior.  Cam is struggling right now with the trial coming up and although I'm struggling as well, I need to put my shields up and be strong for her.  I need to protect her and take care of her and be a warrior to make sure she gets treated fairly and she gets what she needs.  That isn't easy because there is a part of me that wants to break down and cry with sadness over the situation and there is a part of me that wants to march into battle and take down whoever hurt my child.  I want to go all mama bear and slay any beast that hurts my child.  However, I cannot fully protect her from going to trial, she is going to have to stand up on that witness stand and speak her truth.  She is going to have to be brave and strong and stare down the person that did this to her.

And while I am happy to be her knight in shining armor and go into battle for her, there is a part of me that wishes I had someone standing in my corner who was willing and capable of being my knight in shining armor.  I wish that I had someone to rely on who was there to slay my dragons.  I know that I'm capable of slaying my own dragons, but there are days it would be really nice to have someone to slay them for me.  Sometimes I think that I have my shields up all the time and that I not only keep away the bad guys, I also keep away the people that I would like to have in my life.  I'm realizing that I don't know how to put down my shields and be at peace.

I think I need to figure out how to do that.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for getting home safely
I'm grateful for the beautiful drive to Kent
I'm grateful that Cam is doing Ok
I'm grateful for the good meeting with Davey Tree
I'm grateful for the good skype with Ted

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