Friday, September 20, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Wheel of Fortune

First Impressions:  What goes up, must come down

Book:  Fullness of complexity and life

Guidance: flow with the turning of the wheel

Journaling

As I read this, all I can think of is that this is another version of surrendering. Surrendering and trusting that life will flow as it is meant to flow.  That is such a difficult lesson sometimes as I love to control things, but the lesson I have received so many times in so many different ways over the course of the past few months is to just surrender.  All I can do is show up and do the work that is on my plate and follow the clues of my life the best that I can.  I cannot control all of the outcomes.  It's interesting as I reflect on my life is that this is a lesson that seems to come up again and again and again.  All I can do is do the work, I cannot control what happens.  I like to control what happens and I want to do my best, but at the end of the day there are so many things that are outside of my control.

I used to buy into the belief that I had total control over my life and that if I put the right energy out there, I would get what I wanted.  However, I learned that there is a dark side to that lesson and that if that is the way that life works, then if life does not go my way, I just somehow be at fault.  That is demoralizing thinking and all it does is make people want to give up.  I believe, just as I believed way back in eighth grade when I wrote a paper on the topic, that life is a combination of destiny and free will.  We are presented with certain situations and the decisions we make drive the outcomes of those decisions.  To some that might sound like we are in control of our destiny, but we're not because the situations that come our way are outside of our control.  All we can do is control our reactions and our decisions.  In some ways that makes makes life a lot harder because it means that I can't wrap myself in a bubble and control every aspect of my life.  All I can do is control my actions.  I can control whether or not I get my school work done, but I can't necessarily control which opportunities come my way as a result of school.

All I can do is do the best I can to move forward and that means accepting that sometimes I will be pushed off into the deep end, but that if I accept, surrender, and do my part, I will come back out into the light, but it might not be where I was expecting to come out.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for the yummy cupcakes
I'm grateful for waking up with Wen's paw on me
I'm grateful for snuggling with Clark
I'm grateful for clean dishes
I'm grateful for my snuggly comforter
I'm grateful for getting the recruiting deck done
I'm grateful for the cool air
I'm grateful for time spent blogging

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