Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Five of Swords

First Impressions:  Protecting someone, nastiness

Book:  Boy becomes a pawn in a much bigger game

Guidance:  Be sensitive to others during conflict

Journaling

This card is so true today, but Sean is a grownup and I cannot protect him from his crappy father who takes so much advantage of him and who acts like he is super dad.  The jackass actually wrote me today and said he was just getting Sean a gift card and not engaging in my petty drama.  He doesn't get how he caused the situation with his horrible behavior, by taking advantage of Sean's sweet heart, and using him.  However, I also have to own my share of the drama and I do behave like a baby.  I need to just stay out of Sean's relationship with his dad.  He is starting to see the light about what a stinkhole (Clark's words) he is, but the more I throw a fit and remind Sean how horrible he is, the more I push Sean away.

It is so hard because John is the most abusive person I've ever met and he plays head games to guilt people into doing what he wants and taking care of him.  He has never wanted to work for a living and he truly believes that the world owes him a living.  However, there is nothing that I can do about him except refuse to play his games and refuse to get sucked into his drama.  I was so proud of myself for not responding and just deleting the emails.  I have learned that sometimes the only thing you can do when someone is pushing your buttons is to not respond and to not let them know they've gotten under your skin.

It's been a hard week for me as last week I got Charlene's letter and now I hear from John.  I'm not sure what is going on, but I just need to let go and let god and trust that it is all going to work out.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful for the good sessions
I'm grateful for the support from T & J
I'm grateful for a good call with M.
I'm grateful for the yummy dinner
I'm grateful for the peaceful evening
I'm grateful for not responding to jacka**

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