Friday, October 4, 2019

Deliberate Draw: The Lovers

First Impressions:  Entwined

Book:  Love can inspire us to grow beyond our boundaries

Guidance:  Choose what to do with the energy


Love of all sorts has been on my mind lately as I digest the latest bomb that my mother threw my way.  However, I'm reading the book Shadow Daughter:  A Memoir of Estrangement and it is helping me so much as I'm realizing that I'm not alone and I'm realizing that there are other people who have estranged themselves from their families because of poor treatment.  Some of the stories included in that book really are helping me to realize that I am not alone and that there are other people who walked away because their families made them feel less than.  The book also touched on a lot of the shame that comes around estrangement as we are so wired to be part of a family and we are taught from the time we can walk that families matter and that we should be there for our families.

As much as my mother was the one that did the most damage, I'm starting to realize how much my father contributed to damaging my soul as he taught me that your elders were to be respected no matter what.  It didn't seem to matter how horrible my grandmother treated my mother, she continued to go back for more and she taught me that it was okay for people you love to abuse you and that unconditional love was taking the abuse no matter what.  That's an ugly horrible lesson to learn and one that I have worked hard to not teach my kids.  I think the issue is that my dad grew up with garden variety crazy and he didn't have anyone in his family who was truly evil and when you just have garden variety crazy, the advice to respect your elders makes sense.  However, when you have evil and mean it does not.

Love is one of the hardest lessons in the world because we want to love unconditionally, but we still need to protect ourselves and that is a tremendously difficult dichotomy to understand.  I'm starting to realize that true love can hurt as we are all human beings, but true love should not demoralize or be physically abusive.  True love should always be respectful and the other person's feelings should always matter.  That doesn't mean we don't inadvertently say hurtful things, but we should not set out to demoralize the other person and put them in their place.  I believe true love is about helping the other person to soar and making decisions that are in their best interests.  There may be times when that doesn't happen, but overall we should work to help the other person be their best.  And when we truly have that loving environment, we can soar and we can move beyond our boundaries.


I'm grateful for the call with Jamie
I'm grateful for the support of the team
I'm grateful for the wonderful walk
I'm grateful for the yummy Mexican
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for getting work done

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